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Thursday, September 20, 2012


I learned a lot today! And it's just now turning noon. Impressive, huh? First off, my annulment. Since Brent is not a Catholic and we didn't get married in the church - it's actually a very simple procedure. Once the divorce decree comes through, it's a matter of the priest filling out some forms. So, I'm excited for that!!!

The big thing I learned was "codependency". According to Wikipedia, Codependency (or codependence, interdependency ) is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as in an addiction to alcohol or heroin); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.

During my research of addiction, and classes through the 12 Step Program, including Alanon, this was always a big subject for people in similar situations as myself. However, today the priest really broke it down for me. The odds are for someone like me, that I am more likely to remarry another person with some type of addiction problem is extremely high. So, I'm thinking to myself "yeah right, I'll never do that again". But, until I can realize that I have a problem with codependency and acknowledge that I can't "fix" everything, I will fall in that category. Another scenario is my children, since they have a parent that is addicted, their number is higher because of two things, it's genetic and their sense of abandonment of not having a father's love. They will need something to fill that "pain" and due to a society full of drugs, it will happen. UNLESS, I can do all the footwork and learn everything I can about "codependency" and teach them these lessons, so that if they are ever faced with a situation like that, they will know how to handle it.

A lot of pressure on me, right? But, that's OK. I have three reasons why it HAS to work. Casie, Tommy, and Marissa. And besides them, myself.

So many people have asked me why I continue this blog and do I worry about what other's are thinking. That answer is simple. For so long, I didn't talk to anyone besides my mother. I was filed with shame and embarrassment, which eventually led to extreme depression and anxiety. When I finally got the courage to talk about it, I knew I had to help other's in the same boat as me. Therefore, that's why I started the blog. For the ones who wants to be negative and judge, then that's their right. That's who they are. Everyone has haters in life and if that's what they want to do - so be it. I don't need those people in my life anyway.

God Bless and Much Love!

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