Sharing War Stories

My whole hope and dedication towards this blog pays off after just reading through my email. I would like to take this moment and recognize one of our followers. Personally, I have never met her or spoke with her until she sent me an email earlier in the week. I want to spot light her personally because when I was choosing my audience, I was trying to focus on the innocent party of drug users. It's was a lovely surprise to see that she was on the other side of the spectrum and I'm thrilled that she shared her story with me. It goes like this (in her words) ...

When I was 13 I started drinking quite heavy,,then discovered pot and booze did a better job...I quit for a few years when I was married at 17  ( not pregnant just infatuated with a 24 year old)...lol started to drink again and it at the age of 25 and discovered acid,mushrooms the odd line of coke.....I started by snorting it ,then when it didn’t do anything for me anymore I started smoking it ...my world fell apart soon after....then when that didn’t work anymore I started injecting it....I can’t tell you how many times I overdosed because I really don’t know ....I then found great relief in opiates and was injecting anywhere from 400-700 mg of morphine a day.they don’t give that much to a suffering cancer patient ...I was then introduced to methadone by a dr. I was up to 120 mg of that every day....when I decided I had enough of that shit I started to ween myself off til I reached 60 mg a day then I quit cold turkey ......that was the beginning of my new hell the withdrawls from methadone are worse than anything I have ever withdrawn from. I would not recommend it to anyone......ok that is my drunk and drug alog.....you see CC there was a little girl inside of me that was in a lot of pain and this big girl didn’t learn how to cope with it .I had to heal the child within me if I wanted to get better ...I am a 49 year old grand mother now who is just learning how to deal with life without mind altering substances .I was on anti depressants for a lot of years and clonazapam  and all that is gone now too. My life has never been so wonderful ....I have a great relationship with my Creator , my children( 30-31 ) and my daughter trust me to look after one of the greatest gifts in my recovery my grandson.

This woman amazed me. I was truly touched by her story, because honest to God I didn't feel it was possible for someone that is that heavy into drugs could actually become clean! Not only she is clean, but she's been sober for 7 years! She should be so proud of her accomplishments. And I hope that who ever else is reading this out there that's in the same situation, let her be your inspiration. You CAN DO IT! 

Moving along, for those that are interested the limo never showed yesterday. I haven't heard back from him and we are on the docket for Monday for the motions I filed to hold him in contempt for child support and what not. 

Today was a little trying. As I told you in the past, Casie is having a very hard time in dealing with not being able to even talk to her Dad and she acts out by misbehaving, terribly! We were getting ready to attend her friend's birthday party at a local fire station when she took her anger out on Tommy. He had something that belonged to her, so she pushed him and the poor kid went airborne across the room. He wasn't hurt, thank God, but he could have been! In situations like this, I find that ignoring her just doesn't do the trick. So, needless to say, Casie did not get to attend the birthday party and wasn't happy about it. I'm thinking that another trip to the doctor is necessary in her situation.

I'm signing off, but again congrats to my girl that I mentioned above! I'm so proud of you, keep up the great work!

Much love and God Bless!!

RIP Pops

Today started off amazing even though we woke up late. After taking the kids to school, Marissa and I came home and played around the house. Then, I got to go for an hour long massage that was phenomenal and way over due. But, then our day took a turn for the worse. Marissa kept getting sicker and sicker and I ended up taking her to the doctor. Thank goodness she is now on antibiotics and on the road to recovery. 

Some very useful information came across today, I found who the Black Charger that's been at the marital residence belongs to. It's actually titled in two names - a man and woman with the same last name and their home address is in Lincoln, Illinois. For some reason, this name sounds very familiar to me, but I have yet to start my research.

I was able to link my blog with some social media sites including Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, Twitter, and I will continue with more as soon as I have an opportunity to. Some of these sites are confusing to me, so I'm still trying to figure it out, so bare with me.

On Twitter this morning, I got 143 followers after Dr. Leah Klungness from singlemommyhood mentioned the site. I was excited and enjoyed reading some of the tweets. On Pinterest, I made some connections and even had the site re-pinned. I'm still not really sure what that means. (laughing) And our total hits are at 5,191, including the following countries: United States, Russia, Germany, United Kingdom, India, Malaysia, Argentina, Honduras, Israel, and Netherlands. I'm so excited with these results and want to take moment to thank everyone for dedicating your time. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart!

Now I would like to share a story about my Father-In-Law that I cherish. When Casie, our first born, entered into this world we decided to have her baptized in the Catholic Church. A few days before the actual date of the ceremony, Pops and his girlfriend drove down from Michigan and stayed at our house. It was the first time I met this woman, she was stunning, a very pretty lady. I enjoyed staying up late with her and having girl talk. We immediately formed a bond. One day, I was making lunch for everyone and Casie started to cry. My father in law tried his best to entertain her, but wasn't successful. I picked her up and rocked her a bit to calm her down, then turned to him and asked "do you want to hold her?". In a way, I felt it was weird that he didn't hold her at that point. All of a sudden, his confidence turned into a little timid which is totally out of character for this man. He answered with, "Oh no, I haven't held a baby in 4-ever, I wouldn't even know how ...." he was still talking and I walked over to him and handed him my sweet baby and said "Here, it's just like riding a bike." After he had a tight squeeze on her, I turned and continued to cook. It was the sweetest thing ever! From that moment, he didn't want to ever put her down and she would look up at him and smile. It was a very special moment for all of us. And still to this day, Casie always asks me to tell her that story. And every time, she sits and listens like it's her first time ever hearing it. 

During my Father In Law's last days, he wanted to hold Casie and Tommy (Marissa wasn't born yet). He was so excited that our little boy would be carrying on his last name. And he was so proud of ALL of his grandchildren and would brag about every one of them if anyone would give him the chance to.

Sometimes something happens that reminds me of him and I want to be able to talk to him. Even though I can't, I know what most of his responses would be. May his soul rest in peace! 

Brent and the New Girlfriend Have Joined the Blog

Well, I didn't expect to write back so soon but I wanted to welcome "Brent" and his new girlfriend to my blog community. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone sent you the link and it's ok, after all I did make it public. So, welcome! Even though this is a direct violation of the EPO (keep in mind that third party contact is included), I'm going to let that slide. You see (to the girlfriend), I actually feel sorry for you. Brent is such a manipulative person and genius at convincing anyone of what a wonderful man he "really is" and give the saddest, as you say  "pitty" party, to make you want to help him. But, he's did the same to two wives and six children. I can warn you that he's going to do it to you, but if you are anything like me, you won't listen. I hope for your sake I'm wrong, but the odds are stacked against you sweetheart. Just try to refrain yourself from getting deep in the game like I did. I understand this so well because I was in your shoes at one point. From girl to girl, I know that you wrote the comment, but I also know that "Brent" was there and put his input in because some of the stuff he has directly said to me.

With that being said, this is what I do .... blog, as you know, so I feel its important to the individuals in my community to re-post your comment and address it. They spend their time reading and following, so it's only fair they see the good, the bad, and the ugly. But, before I go any further he's all your's. I had that and as a classy woman I wish the best of luck to you, but please don't feel that I'm a threat to your relationship because I wouldn't take him back for all the money in the world. I am sincere when I say if you are the one to straighten him up, more power to you, I hope you can because there's 6 children out there rooting for you. 

Oh yeah, one more thing. I better add that since I created this blog I do have the option of investigating any messages and where they are sent from. In fact, I'm looking at your IP address right now. So, for future meetings, let's try to keep it clean for the kiddos. Thanks babe! And one more thing, things like this make my numbers skyrocket! You're a genius!!! Thanks again for the help.

For those of you wondering what I'm talking about, apparently on January 23rd, 2012 the following message was posted to my blog. The information in blue is my thoughts and responses.

And the angel said upon to them fear not: for, behold. I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to ALL people. For unto you is born this day Da'vid a savior. Which is Christ the Lord. (My first thought is, oh good I have really connected with my religion and I can't wait to see what this person's insight is ....)

Perhaps you should read this in the New Testament. You both took vows, "In sickness and in health until death do you part." Clearly you both have made many fatal errors which will only result in harm to your "three little angels." (I'm sure this statement is correct and God Bless those three little angels.) Relationships end and adults fight over worldly, monetary goods and in its entirety, this will only punish your children. (You are correct! That's why I let my attorney do the wonderful job that she is doing and why my children are not aware of the details of what we are fighting over.) Although your blog is one-sided, (Again, this statement is true - I've been straightforward from the get go that this is MY experience, so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that there's two sides to every story, but since you couldn't read between the lines and as Brent always said "assuming makes an ass out of you and me" .... my apologies. Attention Everyone: This blog is one sided .... my sided!) and a tragic story, I am sure you played a VERY large role in all of it. (I thought of it, but thank God I learned from the Alanon classes that no one is to blame for this disease, except for the person that is using. Oh, and my Psychologist helped a bunch too!)  In your lack of understanding addiction and your unwillingness to help your "loved one," you are just as guilty as the addict. (Fair enough, I tried everything that I could take and I couldn't take anymore. So, yes I threw in the towel on my loved one. And as far as my lack of understand, again, you are right. I know what a crack head is and I don't want to be one, and that's all I really need to know at this point.) I too, live with an addict, (God love you, you must be a very strong person to deal with it. I wasn't that strong.) however I took the effort to inform myself and continue the counseling. Support is the biggest key to living with and loving an addict. I have read your blog and nowhere in there does it say that you attended Al-anon nor did it say that you provided any kind of support. (Oh honey, keep reading my blog you must have missed where I wrote about attending family nights at his rehab programs, I work very close with my Primary Care Physician and Psychologist, and I did attend some classes on my own and it taught me that I wasn't to blame and it was time to let go). You should have been looking at Narcanon.com and Narcotics Anonymous. Many of your problems or your loved one's relapses stems from your lack of knowledge and slamming the diseased person is no way to go about it, (Well, I hate to admit it but you are right again it's not appropriate to slam a sperm doner that's why I took such measures to really hold back on what I really wanted to say.) yes, addiction is a disease. (I agree, but he knew what a crack head is - why would he want that label? Just a thought.) Support, support, support is most important since, once and addict, always and addict and relapse can be triggered by any given situation. (Yes I noticed that his given situation just happened to be every waking moment.) You spoke of taking your own life and him taking his. You had him locked up in a mental institution. Yet you didn't seek help, did you? (Yes, I did. I had to. I wanted to take my life, but I knew I couldn't because I didn't want my children raised by a crack head.) Then you speak of not having anything, (I don't, but I have damn good friends and family and that, to me, is more important then anything.) but when grandpa's money comes into play (I guess it would appear that way, however I dearly loved my Father-In-Law and I make sure that his legacy lives on in my children. "Casie" loves to hear the stories I tell of him, especially the first time he held her. It's actually an adorable story - good idea for a future blog post.), you decide to stick it out? Or did you mean, drag out the divorce until you could get your hands on that estate. (There's not much of that estate left since Brent smoked it up and paid whores.Brent hasn't paid any of his child support yet either, keep reading you'll hear about that next week after the hearing.) You talk about the reversal from rags to riches, it sounds to me like you only wanted money. (As my brother in law always tells me, oppinions are like ass holes and every one's got one. That's your right and more power to you to voice that right.) You go on with your pitty party on the Internet for all to see, when you should be supporting your husband and helping him in his recovery and you will see "that man that you loved so much." (I guess you are right, but I don't want to see that guy anymore. To me, I mourned the death of that guy. He's not coming back. This new guy, I don't dig too much.) Then, in your last blog you say he has a girlfriend and yet he's picking you up in a limo with a new dress, necklace and ring? (Again, it is factual, I can prove not only the text pages and emails, but also the tracking information to both.) Sounds to me like he's already moved on and far over you! (Cool! I've been waiting to hear that so could you ask him to please leave me alone. He lost his visitation rights, due to his addiction. AND, I have an EPO on the creep, so there's really no need for communication. Npw is there? Hmmmm. Just another thought.) But there you go again, speaking of not having anything, yet you get to go to the SAG Awards? (I'm sorry if you misunderstand. Yes, he invited me, but just so we are clear I wouldn't go ANYWHERE with him, so I declined the offer.) Sounds so pitiful that you actually have convinced yourself he still wants you. (I'm sorry that's what you think I meant, but clearly he doesn't want his self to be a crack head so I know he doesn't want me. I can't help him, so I'm no good for him.) You need HELP!!!!! (Thanks for the help, sweet pea. I do and I am getting it. Thanks for stating the obvious.

With all that being said, I hope that no one thinks I'm trying to slam any one. I'm just responding and blogging, as I was set out to do. I appreciate ANY comment good or bad and I encourage all to post what they think. Otherwise, I wouldn't have made a comment section. Right? Now, I do want to give another person props for sticking up for me. This is what Bethany wrote:

I also read the blog regularly and all the stuff you are writing makes no since. Are you even reading the right blog? She does state that she attended Alanon and she is far from a gold digger because the gold diggers I know would never pay 1500 every month to there husbands ex wife for alimony. I to was with an addict who is now in prison for 8 years, there is only so much a person can take u can only change yourself, as far as her taking the vows dont act like you are perfect it is 2012 Divorce does exist Let God judge its not your place to throw judgement on no one. Also those 3 kids didnt make those vows and thats who she is protecting..

Thanks girl! I appreciate you taking time out of your life to follow my blog! Much love and God Bless!

Sometimes You Just HAVE to Live and Learn

Today I couldn't help but remember a weekend trip Brent and I took the children on before our marriage hit the rocks. They loved going to waterparks, so we went all out. The children had their own area with a bunk bed and day bed that was decorated in a wild, tent-like atmosphere and then we had our area. The second we checked into the room, everyone dashed to get their swimsuits on and Brent told the children to play for a bit that he needed to speak with me privately. Our room was on the first floor and our patio overlooked a very popular amusement park. I figured Brent knew our relationship was near the end and that he would finally approach it and see what we could do. But, as usual ... he threw one right out of left field on me.

"I have a brain tumor. The doctors have conducted several tests and it's blocking one of the main blood streams. There's option, but I've chose not to do anything. I even went to the extent of going to Memphis, Tennessee for a second opinion." (Then, there was a long pause, we are talking like a few minutes went by - I guess I was in shock, I didn't know what to think.) Finally, he continued, "I've been given 6 months to a year to live." I started crying and asked "What do we tell the kids? Don't I have a say so in it?"

We enjoyed our weekend away despite the obvious, but things never added up and once again I felt myself not believing this story. Of course, the whole thing ended up being fabricated, but I didn't know for sure until about a year later. Then, there was another time he told me that he had prostate cancer. I don't know why he did these things or told me, but I'm human and yes it bothered me of the thought these horrible things could actually happen.

He called my parents around September and asked if they would take him to the airport. They agreed under the understanding that he was going to Minnesota to some drug rehab / mental facility. When I found out, I was outraged. I called Brent myself and went off on him. My parents have enough on their plate to worry about taking his sorry ass to the airport at 4am. Unfortunatly, my attempt was a failure. My parents felt they were doing the right thing and went ahead with it. It turns out, he lied ..... AGAIN. He flew to Colorado to be with his buddies. Personally, I don't really know them. However, it's a couple that came to town for our wedding and the husband was actually a groomsmen. They were very nice to me, but that was the only time I ever really had any interaction with them. I tried being friends with them on Facebook, but it was kind of weird. After a few days, I received a call from Dustin, the husband, and decided to hit the "oh so familiar FU button" aka, I ignored the call. He left a voice mail and it said "CC, Brent's out here and he needs some medical attention right away. I'm willing to help out in any way I can, so please call me back to discuss."

I washed my hands with Brent and knew it was in my best interest to not get involved. So, I did what I thought was right and called my sister-in-law in Michigan and explained what happened. She basically told me that they already bought Brent a plane ticket home and he would arrive that night. And then asked about the brain tumor. She told me that he was driving the people out in Colorado nuts and they wanted him out there.

It might have been insensitive on my part, but my response was "Oh, what a load of horse shit! If he really had a brain tumor, then his time expired last April and his ass is still kickin." She's actually a pretty cool person and I feel comfortable talking to her. She's showed an interest in knowing my children and wants me to know her's as well.

Sometimes my brain starts to spin crazy and all of this horrible stuff is relived in my mind. It hurts to know how much I loved this person and know that I would have did anything in the world for him. And he obviously didn't feel the same. I'm ok with it, thanks to Zoloft. (laughing)

My days have been very busy lately and I haven't been able to write as much. This is such good therapy for me to vent. And yes, I'm sure one of these days Brent is going to find out about it and try to do something about it. I guess when that time approaches, I will just have to deal with it then.

Times like this you really find out who really loves you. My family is so supportive of me, not to mention a real blast to be around. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and friends have opened up about experiences I never knew they went through. My friends, oh they are awesome too! So many of them can send me a silly text, or a picture, anything to make me smile or even just to let me know they are there. One of them even is surprising me with a massage tomorrow that I absolutly can't wait for (thank you SD). And another one went on a job search for me, in which I might add I interviewed for today (thanks SK). Every little effort, word, smile, call, text, whatever means so much to me and has really pulled me through the "slump". And just so everyone knows, I'm not a complete "male basher". Some of my really good friends are guys and some of my friend's husbands I have really learned to love and cherish! I kind of go by the philosophy of "you make them happy, you make me happy"! I learned that when some one you love is in trouble or hurt, never turn your back on them because that might push them a little more over the edge. As long as it doesn't concern you personally, don't get them involved - let them work it out, but yet be there if and when they need you!

My children's school is hosting their first "Father Daughter Dance". I literally just explained to Casie that her Daddy would not be the one to take her, but that her "Poppy" (that's what my kids call my Dad) wants to take her. I told her he was buying her a pretty flower and it would be just the two of them. Although, she was hurt that her Dad couldn't take her - a smile lit up her face to know that Poppy would and she ran off to the laundry room where he was and gave him a big hug!

Now that I'm finished my reiminising and preeching for the day, I'm signing off and headed out to dinner with my beautiful little family. God Bless to all!

Snoop Doggin'

Another day, another text from an "unverified sender". It read:

"Limo will be there to pick you up about 1:30 Friday. I got your dress, necklace, and ring. Be back Tuesday. 1st class press credentials."

After my mom took me to urgent care, which by the way, I have the flu, she took me on a mission. And these missions according to her is called "snoop doggin". God love her! She wanted me to see first hand that Brent hasn't changed despite all his recent contact. It wouldn't have taken much to convince me, but I was too sick to argue back and since my sister was watching the children, I enjoyed the quietness! I don't respond to any communication what so ever from him. I do, however, speak to his brothers and ones of their wives, but conveniently they haven't called lately.

Our first stop was by the marital residence - all blinds were closed and no lights on. Then, she drove me to a church about 5 minutes away. I immediately recognized it because our friend that married us happens to be the pastor there. She pointed out a black Dodge Charger with Illinois plates. I swear that lady should be a private eye. "That's the car" she began to tell me. "It belongs to a woman that looks to be in her 40's. She's very thin and lives at your house."

It didn't really bother me, because I've heard from various sources anyway, so I just shrugged and said "Better her then me, mama". As we drove home, I couldn't help but wonder how one person can be so evil? In a way, I feel sorry for his new girlfriend, because I'm sure that she is unaware of his constant communication with me and (I'm sure) other women. Then, the thought crossed my mind of what if he really had a limo pick me up and his drug dealers were in there to knock me off. Regardless of anything, I wouldn't walk to the bathroom with this jerk, much less even consider going across the country with him! 

Proclamation Day 02/01/2012

I received a call from the Louisville Mayor's office. They read my blog and asked for me to come pick up the proclamation. Call me stupid, but I really didn't know what the hell that meant. Curiosity got the best of me and I made my way downtown to Metro Hall. I was handed an official looking white folder and inside was a certificate that read:

Louisville Office of the Mayor Proclamation

Greetings to whom all these presents shall come, know ye that February 1, 2012 is hereby proclaimed in Louisville, Kentucky to be CC Lyon Day and I urge all citizens to observe this special recognition.

Done in Louisville, Commonwealth of Kentucky, this the First day of February 2012.

Greg E. Fischer, Mayor

Like I said, I don't know much about this type of thing, but I was super excited. My kids could have cared less though but my parents were happy for me. 

Things are still quiet before the next storm blows over. Nothing from Brent means peaceful time for me. The kids have been sick and stayed home from school the last couple of days. So, we spent a lot of time just chilling out. It was lovely!

On a sad note though, I took them and my mom to see the clean up from the tornadoes that touched down earlier in the week. It's devastating to see the mess and the damage that these caused. The National Weather Service confirmed they were consistent with an  EF-1 with wind speeds between 86-110mph. There was a horse farm about a mile from the children's school that was destroyed and horses were running wild. One of the nicer hotels downtown had the air conditioning unit blow off the roof. That hotel is known for its well known patron visits from the past, including The Duke of Windsor, Harry Truman, Elizabeth Taylor, Robert Young, Joan Crawford, Eddie Cantor, Gene Autry, Eva Marie Saint, Muhammad Ali, and many, many others. It's a very popular destination during the Kentucky Derby. As far as the local news channels, no one was killed in these storms and thank God for that!

Storms Touched Down in Louisville Today

Strong storms caused damage throughout Louisville this morning and I was about to create my own marks as well. 

After being the last parent to pick the children up from half day preschool due to road closures and storm damage, I spent the rest of the afternoon making phone calls, sending emails, and doing a lot of research. I was finally able to compile a letter to my attorney:

I just received a call from the real estate agent and she is going to send over an estimate of the pricing. She said due to its current condition the value of the home would be greatly reduced unless Brent was willing to make the repairs and have the home iodized. Once the paperwork gets drawn up, she will send a copy to Brent and myself. 

Brent has been able to send some text pages, coming from either my brother's number or as an unverified sender. When I called Verizon Wireless about this they said that its possible that he went into their website to send these texts and there really wasn't a way to track it. However, the first messages told me I could come home that everything has been replaced and a state of the art security system has been installed and that we could work it out. The next few after that asked me if I wanted to attend the SAG awards with him - it would include everything first class with press credentials. It even went on to say that he would buy the outfits that I would need. Then, the few after that said that the garage is full from front to back and I would need a uhaul to "get all my shit" and that I better come up with $12k because that's what I'm going to owe once the house forecloses. And finally today, he was asking if we were ok after the storm and that he has the travel arrangements all lined up for me to attend the awards with him. 

As far as the schooling goes, Jefferson County Public Schools (JCPS) charges for preschool. It's important to keep the kids in the current school system since their life has been swept from underneath their feet. It's a familiar routine to them and they have established friendships. It's really hard to make ends meet keeping up with all of these demands without a consistent child support order. Can we have these funds that the judge ordered directly deducted from either his monthly social security or pension checks? Also, can we stress to him the importance of the education, regardless of my counseling, it's really in the children's best interest to assist with the tuition. He is not aware of Tommy's current situation since I do not have any communication with him. 

I guess my mom is right when she says "another day, another drama". Apparently, that's the case when you are dealing with someone that suffers an addiction problem. Will it ever end? So much support and love has come from creating this blog, but then other's aren't too happy about it. Honestly, I feel like it's my only outlet and writing this has helped me grow. Yet at the same time, I hope that some one that's reading it takes heed to my warning and get yourself out of this mess! Nothing in the world is worth living through this. I'm hoping that my children won't have to live with the embarrassment of their father's bad decisions and that people will understand what they are dealing with and embrace them instead of talking about them behind their backs. It's not their fault, they didn't choose this life. I'm also hoping that we can raise awareness of what is going on in our streets. Addiction affects most families and it could be lurking next door. I mean well by this blog and I'm focusing on my situation and have changed some names to protect the identity of other's. Understanding and patience is a virtue and I'm hoping that everyone can see where I'm coming from and extend that gratitude by sharing this site to other's.

Raising Children Is The Hardest Job Ever

Even though things started to fall into place, it didn't really make it easier. The fact was I just wanted to be married and have a bunch of children. But, accepting the whole "divorced" thing isn't as easy as it should be (even though it's not official yet). Don't get me wrong, Brent was a real monster and I know I'm doing the right thing, not only for myself, but more importantly my children. I would NOT go back to him for all the money in the world! That relationship is too far gone to ever come back! The feeling of "failure" still seems for me to be associated with the whole situation. I guess I will always wonder if I was the reason my husband turned into a crack head. And I am so damaged from this relationship, how could I even think about getting into another one? I can't, so that's why all of my energy and focus will go to my children, where it should!

I want my girls to know that not all men are unreliable ass holes.They should be loved and treated with nothing but respect. And I stress so much to Tommy how to always be kind and understanding to girls. Let's be real, if I stuck around their father any longer - they wouldn't have that chance. Children learn from what they see and know. It's so cute to see Tommy with his classmates. Before he leaves for the day, he goes around and gives all the little girls hugs and shakes the boys hands. One time he was invited to a party for a little girl in his class, he wanted me to take him to the store to buy her a flower before it started. Then, when we got there another little girl was afraid to go down the slide. He took her by the hand and said "It's ok, you can go with me." That moment made me so proud. I knew that I taught him that.

Nights seemed to get more frequent with Casie waking up in the middle of the night crying for her Daddy. Tommy would watch TV and make comments about going fishing with his Dad. And Marissa would talk about him out of the blue. I honest to God didn't understand this. Other then the fact, that when Brent was in their lives he was a part time father and his short comings would sometimes be filled with fun. They didn't know him as the one who disciplined or took care of them. For God's sake, one time they asked him to bring them Easter baskets and later that night three empty baskets were delivered to my parent's front porch! Like seriously, empty? You couldn't put some candy or something in there. The Pediatrician they had was awesome! I absolutely adored her and would seek her expertise from time to time. She told me that I needed to be honest with the children. That obviously not go into details of the drugs, but find a way for them to understand the whole situation. So, I explained to them the whole concept of consequences.  I used the example of "when you get in trouble, you have to sit in time out or lose the privilege of something you enjoy. Daddy not only is a sick man, but he's did a lot of things that got him into trouble and now he has to pay the consequences by not being around us." It works and they understand that, but it still doesn't bare the heaviness upon their heart!

Unfortunately, I had to make the grueling decision to leave that Pediatrician. She is an amazing woman and I love her dearly and so do my children. And because of that, I knew our divorce was getting ugly and I felt that if I left I would be protecting her. She knew all about Brent and it was obvious she didn't like him, but she was always professional. He was afraid of the fact that she knew so much and started nit picking on things and would threaten to have her subpoenaed and would humiliate her. I'm not really sure how he would do that, but I had so much respect for the woman I didn't want her to have such negativity in her life so I left her practice. I wrote her a letter explaining it and she responded back and said that she appreciated it and would always be there if I should need anything. I don't know if that was the right decision to do or not, but it's what I felt I had to do. 

My Mom kept telling me to go through the files on the marital computer I have in my possession. She felt I would come across some information that Brent saved. It took weeks, maybe even months, before I could prepare myself to do so. But, I opened the first document and that was enough. You see Brent was ordered to pay his ex-wife maintenance of $1500 a month. In which, he claimed he did. In fact, my paycheck and/or 401(K) made several of those payments. The document I came across told a different story. Apparently, with that divorce settlement he gave her a one time payment of $15,000 to avoid the monthly payments, in which she accepted. He told me that he gave her that amount for her not to touch his retirement. So, basically that $1500 a month would go to him. And I couldn't help but to think it probably went to his drugs and whores. I couldn't take anymore, so I quit "snooping". The reason for even wanting that computer in the first place was because I had my enormous CD collection uploaded to that computer and the speakers were awesome! Since I left all of my CD's behind, this filled the void. 

Thinking back now, I don't really know when he started with his heavy drug usage. Maybe it was before I ever met him and I was blind to the fact. And at this point, I really don't even care. It's a chapter in my life that I just want to close and never have to reopen. But, that will never be the case considering we share three children - he will be in my life forever. 

I started to finally come out of my slump and become more social. I went out with some really good friends and was able to enjoy myself, and even reconnect with some old friends and make new ones.

But, the one question still remains in my head, what is my purpose in life? And why can't I seem to focus?!? My brain still travels at high speeds round and round and I feel it very hard to concentrate on anything. I guess the whole term "baby steps" come into play and I just have to take it one day at a time. But, the fact remains my time is running short on the living situation. My parents are great and would keep us forever if they could. But, the four of us in one room isn't going to work. These kids need their own space and living area. Right now, Casie and Tommy are in bunk beds and Marissa sleeps with me. It's fine now because they are all so young. I've really focused on getting a job and furthering my education. But, I'm going to have to reevaluate my budget to be able to survive. It's important for me to keep my children at the school they are currently attending. They are happy there and love their friends. I know the teachers and feel comfortable to start Preschool next year. It's their only since of "familiar territory" and I don't want to take that away. But, the tuition is going to kill me! Especially when Brent isn't going to help! I'm hoping that our marital house sells fast or Brent buys me out and I can have a little leverage with the funds! So, I went ahead and pre-registered all three of them for the 2012-13 school year! 

Ding, Ding, Ding - Let the Communication Begin

God heard my cry for help! Tommy went through his testing and passed. My sweet little man just gets so excited and wants to finish what he starts. Wow, I guess he inherited something from me. My three little babies – they drive me crazy at times, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. They are what make my world go round and I’m truly blessed for each and every one of them.

I received a letter again from Brent’s attorney; it was actually to my lawyer. He was asking to meet to discuss how they could approach whether by settlement or trial purposes. Then it goes on to say that both clients are suitable for bankruptcy. Regarding the house, there is little equity and that both mortgages are solely in Brent’s name. Should the house go in foreclosure or whether I simply want to abandon it? Then it went into the taxes saying that basically nothing has been filed since 2008 and it would be in the best interest if we file jointly. Without even thinking, I started typing an email to my lawyer and here’s what it wrote:

In response to the Danielson (Brent’s attorney) letter, there is no way I'm suitable for bankruptcy, nor would I even consider filing jointly with Brent. I have worked very hard to clear my credit report and have been working very closely with all three Credit Bureaus. However, if Brent chooses to take that route on his own then I would suggest the pile of outstanding medical bills incurred by the children.

Regarding the house, this is NOT a non-martial asset. Brent and I purchased the house before we were married in December 2005 (note the deed to the home says both of our names). We were not even engaged at that point! Yes, the mortgage is in his name solely, but I worked at Ford Motor Company as a contractor from the date of the purchase until the birth of our first child. However, I still received short-term disability and then unemployment through 2010. We financed 100% and there was NO down payment. Not to mention, I cashed in my 401(k) when he wasn't receiving pay during the long-term disability transition to make payments on all bills, including the home. We shared a bank account and all bills were paid by both parties! There is more equity in the house then he is saying. Despite HIS debts of liens from outstanding loans, home owner association bill not paid, and whatever else. We can pull records on this to prove! I would suggest we see what liens are on the property and the date of the origination because I'm not on any of them, or at least I better not be. (Considering we are dealing with a crack head, you just never really know.) Might I also add that my company I worked for was the one that paid for the attorney for the closing of the sale of the home. 

The real estate lady has continuously tried to get into the house for a pricing, but unable due to the fact that one time Brent’s live in girlfriend (might I add that violates the order from mediation) had just had oral surgery and he was busy taking care of her. The next reason was that Brent, himself, had oral surgery. The time after that was that he didn't have a court order. And finally, the last time was that he was going to keep the property and there was no need for her services. You can contact Mrs. Parker (the real estate lady) to confirm this information. This morning, I spoke to Mrs. Parker, via text page and she said that he has since called her and she is scheduled to go there tomorrow. Please keep in mind as well, that Brent himself was the one to choose Mrs. Parker from his previous real estate relationship in the first place. I agreed and have exhausted my outlets on working with him. If he wants the house, that's fine. But, I expect to be bought out in order for my name to come off from the deed.

I filed my own taxes and brought them current at the IRS office located downtown, filing married but separate. It was NOT in the best interest of me to file jointly! The money that I got back went to back taxes from 2006 where Brent incorrectly claimed his children from his previous marriage! 

Really, my thought is, why try a settlement. This guy is off his rocker! Let's just go to trial. Your thoughts?!?

If you need anything else from me, please let me know. 

My attorney is truly my guardian angel. I can tell her anything and she tells me if I’m being ridiculous or not. By the time this comes to an end, the two of us might be best friends. Next thing I know, she fired off a letter back to Mr. Danielson:

I am in receipt of your letter dated January 2, 2012. CC  is unwilling to file for bankruptcy as she has worked hard since the parties’ separation to clear her credit report. Both parties’ names are on the deed to the house as they purchased it prior to the marriage - it is decidedly marital property. There is no reason for the house to go into foreclosure.

With regard to the taxes CC has filed all of her tax returns filing married but separate.

While I am always available to settlement it would seem to be fruitless in this case at this time. Brent is not complying with a single court order and I will be filing various motions for contempt. Until Brent demonstrates the most basic good-faith effort to fulfill his obligations discussions of settlement are futile.

It wasn’t much longer until I received my first $500 from Brent. I guess he knows my girl’s not playing!

So, then check this out. For years I had the same email address. However, a year ago when I moved out I changed it to stop the constant harassment from Brent. Ironically, I started receiving emails from that account. Guess who has it now? You guessed it, it was Brent! The first one had something attached from the local jewelry store and it simply said:

 “This would have been yours today. We can still work this out. Another Christmas alone.”

Immediately following was another one,

“I have been clean for 45 days and can prove it.House is ready to move back into.You can have total control and a new vehicle.TV's replaced.Account set up for you with $10K.House is immaculant just like you want it.Work this out and you will never regret it.I promise you.Leave your things and come home so you have your security.I made a mistake that has been corrected.You know you want me and I want you.I am ready to prove it.Fire place rebuilt. New watch waiting for you. New jewelry and wedding ring waiting for you.Marry me again. Take a chance for our family. Do it for the kids sake and your own. You now have everything.Carpet replaced. Drop DVO you won't regret it. Keep Acadia money. I will pray for your return. I am ready. Everything you wanted.Keep everything your took.All ready replaced.You will be impressed.“

I literally cut and pasted that and all I can say is the dude can’t spell! And finally, the last one said

“State of the art security system being installed next tuesday like you wanted. I will make you dreams come true. Give me a chance. I am proving it now.”

Once again, another cut and paste. Is this guy for real? This relationship is too damaged for repairs. Not to mention, the odds are he probably still has a woman living in MY house. I guess my mom is right when she says “every day is another drama with him”.

When I didn’t respond to those, I received a text page that said “Unverified Sender” and then listed my brother’s phone number. When I called the carrier, they told me that someone went on their website and sent a text from that. Since the text wasn’t actually sent from the phone number listed that’s why it came through as an “unverified sender”. All I can say is that its true crack heads should be telemarketers – they are persistent little you know whats! Anyhow, the text said "please come home we can make this worth".

Seriously? What's next?!?

I am one of those people out there that uses search engines like google to my full advantage. If something comes up, I type it in and research it. With that being said, I would like to share another website that I found very interesting. These websites that I share is no affiliation with me, I just feel that in my opinion it gave me a whole new perspective of thoughts and observations on crack addictions. The website is http://www.crackreality.com/thoughts.htm:

I believe that crack is a two part  problem composed of physical addiction and a unique lifestyle. In my opinion, the physical addiction carries more weight than the lifestyle. A misconception is that this addiction is largely a choice by the addict. Don't believe it. Users are severely and almost hopelessly addicted to this drug. Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to stop smoking? In terms of crack, we are dealing with the most addictive drug in existence. Lifestyle is also a big part of the problem. This is not only a lifestyle without responsibility but a subculture unto it's own. There are no jobs, no bills to pay, no home upkeep, no showers and no time schedule. Users do whatever they want all day and night. It is also a hedonistic lifestyle. Get high all day long and have casual sex whenever wanted. Crack users LIKE this lifestyle. That's why they are there. The drug plays the role of masking out responsibility and conscience. Until the desire of this lifestyle is broken, the addiction will continue. What you are about to read is very straightforward. It has to be. Some of what you will read cannot be overemphasized.
Most crack addicts don't have jobs. An addict's daily use of crack costs between $200 and $400. Money is also needed for small amounts of food, drug paraphernalia and miscellaneous items. Crack addicts also need places to sleep and/or smoke crack. At the beginning of each day a crack addict has no money and on many days no place to stay. These are resourceful, manipulative people who are able to create substantial amounts of cash daily. Can you do that? It's difficult to relate how skillful these people are. When you meet an addict for the first time, they size you up immediately. If you are an easy mark, you will be manipulated and become a part of their life. If they see you are interested in romance, you are in big trouble. No, your love isn't going to change them. It's going to destroy YOU. A psychologist at a drug treatment center related the mechanics of a first meeting with a drug addict. He said, "It's like the Green Bay Packers playing your high school team. You don't have a chance". Don't ever think you can buck those odds. As a normal person it is difficult to understand a person who manipulates and scams all day long. This is a necessity for addicts to survive and you will not be an exception. You will be the rule, another person used up, destroyed and dumped out without conscience.
Dealing with a crack addict is totally disarming. It will interfere with your sleep, your work, your driving, appetite and general concentration. If you are just beginning the discovery of your addict you will read what follows and probably not take it to heart. That's because you haven't had your head beat in enough as yet. If you have been dealing with an addict you will find some tips and explanations that will make sense and be helpful.
Crack is very dangerous because it is an easy transition from marijuana. It's use characteristics are similar so it seems harmless. They are both smoked from a pipe and inhaled. When compared to the shooting of heroin or the snorting of cocaine, a marijuana user does not see it as foreign. In relating to the relatively harmless effects of marijuana, a user could innocently try and become addicted to crack. The drug also has it's negative physical effects. Users can have "crack seizures" using the drug and it is not uncommon for users to have heart attacks. A police officer once told me about a woman who got out of jail and immediately went to a crack house. She had been clean for 6 months while in jail. Because she had not used in so long, she overdosed on the spot and died. Crack also produces an effect called "crack lung". Crack damages the immune system of the lungs making the lungs more susceptible to disease. Shortness of breath, cough, wheezing, and chest pains can be symptoms of lung problems from crack use. General physiological effects of crack use are depression, confusion, hallucinations, anxiety, paranoia, poor concentration, cardiac seizures, respiratory seizures, lung damage, high incidence of dependency, blood vessel constriction, increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, brain seizures that result in suffocation, rise in blood sugar levels, rise in body temperature, and sleeplessness.
Crack is cheap and much easier to obtain than any other drug. In Phoenix, you are literally never more than 5 minutes from a crack house. There may be more crack houses than convenience stores. If you are new to town there are people selling on the streets. You can pick up a street whore who will introduce you to crack houses. There are also delivery services. Some crack dealers have regular business hours during which they will deliver crack to you within minutes after a call to their mobile phone. If you have someone in your home who is trying to quit, don't leave them alone. While you are at the grocery store for 15 minutes, they will be able to buy and smoke the drug. There is very little odor so you will be unaware. Never take an addict to buy drugs. Undercover detectives stake out drug houses 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They videotape buyers and their vehicles and wait until the buyers have driven a distance from the drug house before arresting them. Police departments get their unmarked, undercover vehicles by seizing them in drug busts. Don't place yourself and your vehicle at risk.
Crack use is at epidemic levels. It is difficult for a normal person to understand the vast numbers of people using this drug. Some users maintain jobs, at least for a while. I call them functioning addicts. Here is an important point. If your addict has a job, get his boss or company involved. This is particularly effective with men. Men find a great deal of identity with their jobs and the fear of losing a job can motivate them to change. Don't be afraid to do this. Most companies are used to getting alcoholics treated. Companies are often sympathetic with such problems as almost every family has some kind of addiction problem. I have seen success with this approach several times. Eventually the addiction overtakes them and they lose everything including their jobs and families. Crack users continually steal and cheat each other. They are constantly bickering and moving from one place to another. Many addicts don't stay in one place for more than a week. Usually  arguments over drugs will cause the move.
In my opinion women are most vulnerable to crack. It seems as though there is something in a woman's personality that causes them to be more easily addicted. The female population of prisons and jails has increased dramatically due to the large numbers of women incarcerated for crack. An important thing to remember is that it is an easy life for a woman after her morals are stripped away. Crack gouges out all personal standards and morals. Women prostitute for cash or drugs and find the lifestyle exciting. Crack will turn the most moral woman into a thief and whore without any conscience. If you observe outpatient counseling programs that are gender non-specific, you will find few women in the programs. There is simply no motivation for them to change. It's just too easy for women. According to a recent report by Ted Koppel, nearly 80% of females incarcerated for drugs will return to jail after being released. Remember, those are just the ones who get caught.
Having a crack addict in your life isn't difficult. It's impossible. That's the first thing you have to realize and accept. There is one exception and that is if your addict is actively and willingly attending therapy or IS NOT USING CRACK. If you believe another scenario then you may be smoking it too. EVERY crack addict is quitting. I have never met one who didn't tell me so. They all know when and how they are going to quit. A common statistic is that 20% of all addicted people will be successful in recovering. This number includes alcohol and all drugs. Considering crack is MUCH harder to kick, you can see the percentage of success in kicking crack is closer to zero. I say it is almost impossible. But it is not totally impossible. When addicted individuals stop using cocaine, they often suffer from depression, anxiety and the inability to experience pleasure from normally pleasurable activities. This makes it extremely difficult for the recovering addict to stay clean because they continuously expect the same bang they get from crack use. People incarcerated for lengthy periods of time will walk out of jail and go directly to a crack house to buy. A crack addict who wants to quit is actually attending therapy or is in a halfway house. Or, a crack addict who wants to quit has removed himself from the lifestyle and is drug free. A crack addict who is promising to quit is manipulating you. If you are in doubt, take the addict for a urine test. They are inexpensive. Make sure the testing facility actually watches the addict urinate into the cup. It is very common for addicts to  substitute someone else's clean urine for their own. Frequently this is a child's.
Never let a crack addict blame you for their addiction. This is a common and tireless manipulation. They will constantly tell you that something you said or did made them smoke crack, initially start smoking crack or go get more crack. Unless you are actually putting the crack pipe in their mouth and lighting it, you are in no way at fault. Many times they will blame the person closest to them as the total cause for their addiction. As the addiction progresses through time, the addict's ability to reason becomes totally depleted. They will give explanations to you that will leave you nearly astounded. Their thinking becomes totally irrational and that is why you can never believe or rely on anything they say. Another common and very frequently used ploy is the "argument". If an addict is in your home trying to stay clean or recovering from a binge, they will skillfully create an argument with you and leave. It is just a ploy to get back to the street life. Later, they will blame you as the cause of the argument. Again, you will be the causative factor for their continuing drug use. You will discover addicts never take personal responsibility for their drug use. It's always someone or some situation that causes them to use the drug.
Crack addicts are in involved in three, and only three, activities all day and all night long. They get money for crack, they buy crack and they smoke crack. If an addict is talking to you or seeing you in person then you are going to be involved in one of those three activities. No, crack addicts do not call home and say I love you. Crack addicts call home because you are an easy mark. If you are not planning to be involved in one of those three daily activities, get away from the addict.
Crack makes men horny and women daring and horny. Anybody will do most anything in pairs or in groups. Just about anything you ask a woman to do, she will comply. This is 100% true if you are the person with the crack or with money. When a woman needs a hit, her body is yours. Unfortunately for men, crack often prevents them from getting an erection even though they are highly sexually aroused. Women will also experiment with each other and it is not uncommon for women to have same gender lovers. It is not uncommon for a man to pay two women to have sex with him at the same time or with each other while he watches. It is not uncommon for sexually straight male addicts to engage in homosexual acts with gay men to get money for crack. There is usually a street area in every large city where numerous men can be seen walking the street to procure gay customers.
Crack addicts don't like to be in public places or crowds. The power of the drug is demonstrated by the fact that women crack addicts do not like to shop. A crack addict does his Christmas shopping either in a convenience store in less than three minutes with less than a dollars worth of change or in dumpsters in alleys. Addicts frequently sift through dumpsters for clothes and anything else they find useful. Crack addicts shop for clothes in thrift stores. They will buy a cheap blouse or sweater and wear three more expensive ones out underneath. Crack addicts rarely go to restaurants. They frequent drive through at fast food restaurants. Crack addicts can live comfortably in total filth. Even though crack whores have sex numerous times per day they fail to use protection. Crack makes a weak person feel powerful and invincible.
A crack addict will drain your life emotionally and financially. Just watching them is tiring as they are on a speed trip accompanied by loads of paranoia. They are constantly checking doors, windows and switching lights on and off. They can not enjoy a movie or an FM station for more than a few minutes without changing to something else. They are constantly moving about. They develop motor function problems and often bend one knee slightly and tilt their upper torso to the same side as the bent knee. They also can move their arms and legs in twitchy, jerky motions and have sores on their faces and legs from rubbing them. Users often experience "crack seizures" where their heads will twitch. They are not aware of these. Seriously addicted users lose a lot of weight because crack diminishes their appetites. They will tirelessly challenge your ability to say "NO". When you think they are out of your life they will call again. They NEVER give up. They shamelessly keep calling anyone they know with money or a place to stay. The word "NO" does not phase them. If crack was legal and I owned a telemarketing company, I would hire crack addicts as telemarketers.
They will continuously make up the best excuses to extract money from you. Excuses can range from needing money for antibiotics to needing money for rent. When you offer to go to the drugstore to pay for the antibiotics they will give a phony reason why you can't. If you don't give them money they will steal from you, any relative, friend or even child. If you give them money they will still steal from you. They will use stolen credit cards, forge checks, shoplift or break into homes. They take stolen merchandise back to stores and attempt to get cash refunds. NOTHING is safe in your home. If it's an heirloom wedding ring........it's gone. They will prey on grandmothers receiving social security benefits and will rob them of the pennies that were saved through the years. They will rob parents of all the retirement resources saved in a lifetime of work. I know a couple who was once financially sound and now is nearly broke and can't afford burial plots for themselves. They become great manipulators and will heartlessly suck any unprepared person of all their emotional and financial resources.
Crack addicts go through a cycle. They binge 24 hours a day for five to seven days and then crash. The crash consists of almost uninterrupted sleep resembling a coma. During this time they get up and consume large amounts of food to replenish their energy. While they are eating they are still in a near comatose state. When they crash they are extremely tired and depressed. At crash time an addict will call or come to your door and tell you most convincingly they are done with drugs. They will say they are tired of the whole thing and will never go back to it. You will believe this story and allow them to crash and replenish themselves. At the end of the sleep cycle they will get up, start an argument and walk right back out your door to do it again. If a crack addict is really ready to quit he will submit to a detox center followed up by therapy. If you allow an addict to crash at your house all you will be doing is providing a restaurant and flophouse in to further their addiction.
Remember those sci-fi horror movies where outer space beings come to earth, get inside of humans bodies and possess them? That is what you are dealing with. On crack, your loved one or friend has become a possessed being.Forget about talking to the person you used to know. They are no longer there. You must realize that. You are now dealing with a force that is more powerful than you and them. This is where successful families have difficulty. Successful people are used to being able to resolve most problems. At the outset they think they can solve this one as well. At first a family will try to work it out between themselves. When considering experienced counselors have such low success rates, you must realize this is an impossible avenue as families simply do not have the experience or counseling tools to deal with this problem. They will spend thousands of dollars on expensive treatment clinics and other help avenues without any success. They cling to the thought that there is always hope. And yes, there is one and only one hope. There is hope that the addict will hit bottom so hard that he will seek treatment or quit on his own. The only way that will happen is when families and friends remove the addict from their lives. Involvement with an addict only extends the time for them to hit bottom. Letting go is the most difficult part in dealing with a loved one. Removing a loved one from your life is painful but it is the only hope to having them in your life again. You simply have to do this. You may need to seek professional counseling for yourself and family to heal the wounds and pain and help you through the removal process. There is a good pocketbook titled "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" that is available in any bookstore for $6.95.
After you have been broken emotionally and drained financially an addict will talk about his real friends, and that's not you. A woman addict will tell you about a real friend who doesn't like her to whore so he gives her money while, in his mind, he is receiving gratuitous sex. That friend is only momentary because the cash drain will quickly blow him out. Female addicts have lots of these kinds of friends. Real friends are other users or people who will support and aid in their habit without any questions. These real friends are in and out of their lives frequently because there is usually a money argument, theft or a dope disagreement. Don't be insulted when an addict mentions their real friends. Be plenty irritated and don't open your pocketbook again. When the addict asks for money, tell them to call their real friends.
Don't become fascinated or curious about an addicts bizarre behavior. This was a trap for me and it can keep you emotionally involved. I became wrapped up in curiosity about a friend's daily life but she finally cured me through sheer disgust. She called me from her girlfriend Cathy's apartment and wanted me to bring her clothes which I had stored for her. When I got to the apartment she and Cathy were smoking crack on the couch, laughing and having a simply wonderful time. My friend was bragging to Cathy about how she had procured a whore for a friend and went back to his house. The whore didn't perform to her standards and she described how good it felt punching her in the face. She also bragged about holding a gun to her head and threatening her. They were also calling crack dealers for more crack and bragging about stealing a car the night before. Shortly after I arrived there was a knock at the door and a middle-aged gentlemen was invited in and taken into a bedroom by Cathy. I started bringing boxes of clothing into the apartment and on the second trip Cathy came out and asked my friend to come into the bedroom. My friend said, "Excuse me, she needs me for my specialty". I asked what her specialty was and she replied, "Getting fucked in the ass". On the last trip of bringing in boxes another gentleman had arrived for services and while I was leaving, their crack dealer arrived. The girls were laughing and having a great time. Guess what, I don't think I need another look.
Crack whores have an interesting perspective on their customers. They call them tricks and say it with disgust like they are "getting over" on their customers. They think their customers are suckers and fools. Many men like to have anal sex with crack whores because they know they will do anything. So for $15-$60 a man can get a crack whore to do anything. Each time a woman participates a little more of her soul is eaten away until none remains. Now consider, who is the sucker here?
Crack addicts are fearful of the police and incarceration. When they are incarcerated, there is no more crack. I figured out a way to prevent my addict from coming to my door and it worked. I called my addict's best friend and told her two detectives were at my home looking for my addict. I told her they searched the house and even had a third detective at my back door in case she tried to escape. I also told her friend not to tell her. Guess what, she quit coming to my house. Don't forget, addicts are highly paranoid.
Here are some tips that are purely my opinion but I think are valid. Never front money to an addict for drugs. Never give an addict cash. If you buy them clothes they will return them for the cash. If you buy their children clothes they will return them for cash. Never take an addict to buy drugs as you risk being arrested for possession if the drugs are in your vehicle. Don't be curious about what they are doing. Assume they are doing the worst imaginable because they are. Remember every act of kindness only extends the time to where they hit bottom. Acts of kindness only hurt them. Helping a physically sick crack addict is a mistake. Let them suffer and hit bottom. Change the locks on your home and don't give them a key. Do not leave them alone in your home and remove all cash. Do not allow them in your home with their friends as their friends will return and burglarize you. The only friends they have are other addicts. Never believe anything they say, only respond through their actions. Telling you they are going to drug treatment is meaningless. Receiving a call from them at a treatment program is hope. Remember you are a non-person to them. You are only a vehicle and easy mark to further their addiction. Avoid expensive treatment programs. There are halfway houses that will accept addicts without money. They put them to work immediately and make them self-sufficient. If they are on probation, stay in touch with their probation officer. Most of them really care. If they need to be arrested call the police. Jail is safer for them than the street. Never let them crash at your house. Learn to be strong with them and don't ever waiver even slightly on the word "NO". Learn to let them go from your life. It is the most difficult thing to do but it will protect you and help them.
Be strong and good luck.
Steve

Isn’t that disgusting?!? Every part of it I could relate to in some way shape or form. I must have been an easy target, but now that I’ve been able to finally let go and realize that – I feel life easier to live! And the best thing I ever did was stop any and all communication with him. He chose the drug, I didn’t.

Unfortunately though, the communication wasn’t completely halted. I received a letter from his attorney seeking settlement. Here’s what he had to offer:

·         Brent is willing to waive his interest in the Acadia and I can retain the money I have taken in regards to said vehicle.

·         I shall pay my own attorney fee’s.

·         The parties’ develop a visitation schedule in writing based on the court’s requirements and Brent’s regular drug testing.

·         For me to sign the marital residence over to him and remove my name from the deed.

·         For me to accept what I’m receiving in child support from Social Security.

·         Brent shall claim all three children for Federal and State tax purposes each year.

·         The parties shall divide the cost of the Children’s medical insurance in proportion to their incomes.

Ok, I know he smokes crack, but WTF is this?!?! Was this serious? I called my lawyer and asked her if it was a joke. When she laughed and told me no, I said “no thanks”. Now, let’s think about each of these one by one. First off, I believe that the proceeds I got for the vehicle would only cover a portion of my jewelry, purses, luggage, and what not that he traded for drugs. By selling that vehicle, I possibly saved some one’s life by taking him off the streets. As far as the attorney fees, I wanted my family and did anything and everything to keep it together. I remained 100% faithful and if he wasn’t addicted to drugs – I would probably still be married to him. So, why shouldn’t he be responsible to pay?!? It’s his fault! Oh! And visitation, don’t even get me started. I will be the first to say that children need both parents in the lives. It’s important and I saw him with Alex and Maci and felt he was an amazing father. But, that guy is long gone. He’s not an existence anymore and I’ll be damn if I put my children in that risk. And quite frankly, if the courts didn’t recognize this … I would have jumped country with them. One time I told him that over my dead body would I allow that and he laughed and said “you know honey that could be arranged”. Yes, he’s a big guy – about 6 feet 4 inches around 240 pounds. But, there’s one person you NEVER mess with and that’s a mother! I could probably kick his ass, but you just never really know with a crack addict. And as far as the marital property, seriously? We purchased the home before we were even engaged. Yes, the mortgage is in his name solely, but the deed has both of our names. There’s equity in that home and I want my cut! We financed 100% and shared a bank account, which all bills were paid out of. And as a reminder, I did cash in my 401(k) to pay these bills when we didn’t have an income! So, I will fight tooth and nail for that.

I will admit Brent was a good liar in his time! He could tell you the sky is pink and you would question your insanity after arguing with him about it. But, now that the crack has ate away his brain, he’s ignorant. You know he’s telling some shit by his mouth moving!

When school went back into session, I had to notify the faculty of the order. So, I sent an email to the Principle, Vice Principle, Counselor, Director of Preschool, the two teachers and teacher’s aide, and the Priest. I explained the whole situation in about five paragraphs and even attached the Order from the Court and basically told them that children are to NEVER leave with him. I don’t think Brent would cause a scene at the school, but you just never know and I would rather be safe then sorry. The irony of it was, not one of them responded. Tommy’s teacher did tell me that she was sorry about the whole situation and just hated it for us. But, none of the other’s one responded. That has me worried! When I was talking to my mom about it she told me that I was looking too much into it that there’s really nothing for them to respond too. Even with that said, maybe acknowledging they received it would have helped or gave some comfort.

There’s a local program, it might even be everywhere, but it’s with Metro United Ways. They send you a questionnaire called Ages and Stages to take with your child and they review the results and suggest any referrals. Casie did it and it was comforting to get any insight of how she’s progressing. When she “graduated” from the program, it was kind of sad because we both really enjoyed it. Now, the two younger ones are doing it and I received a callback from the lady and she suggested that I contact the Public School system for further evaluation for Tommy. She expressed concerns in his speech and fine motor skills. At first, I really didn’t think much of it considering what the child has been through and thought any extra help would always be welcomed. So, I called and took the first available appointment. Since I totally trust Tommy’s teacher’s opinion, and at that point she didn’t bring attention to it, I really didn’t think it was anything to worry about. Until she approached me at dismissal and said that we needed to set up a conference that they found some areas of concern and needed to go over them immediately. That would have been the perfect timing for “a” father to be there, but I know this is something I have to face on my own. I mean, it could be nothing. But, no one ever wants to hear something like that about their child. Especially since there’s a family history – my step-son, Alex is autistic and might I remind you that Brent is Bipolar. Of course I will love my son no matter what, but I’m stressing. They say God only gives you what you can handle, but I’m ready to tell him “yo dude, ease up a bit, I’m not freakin He-Man here! I don’t know how much more I can handle!”