Follow by Email

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Happy New Year!!!

Interesting ... I received an Order in the mail from the Judge that on 12/17/2012 I was represented by an attorney that I don't know (other then her address is the same as my attorney) for a compliance motion hour - that I didn't know about!! However, I still haven't received the funds. Is this really a reflection of our justice system?!!?!

At this point, I feel hopeless. I decided to contact the Bar Association, Better Business Bureau, and the local news media Trouble Shooters for guidance. It's a shame that it came to this. Guess I still don't know how to judge a person's character. Shame on me!

The kids seem to be getting healthier and that's more important than anything. It snowed in Louisville, so we spent the day yesterday playing in it. It was such a blast. My good friend from Florida was in town for the holidays and we enjoyed some time with her as well.

Even though people try to rain on my parade, I won't let them! I'm going to try to shine bright like a ray of sunshine. Or at least try too. (smile)

The encouragement I'm receiving is awesome! Thanks for helping me get through this! Our total hits are now at 22,139.

I will keep you posted on the outcome. If I don't get back on here, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

God Bless and Much Love

Friday, December 28, 2012

Moving Through Christmas -

The trial that was supposed to happen, never did. Apparently, the lawyers came up with a plan and whether I agreed to it or not, didn't really matter. It was a done deal. Brent came up with four thousand dollars and the remainder would arrive the following Monday. However, it finally arrived the following Friday (12/14/2012) at my attorney's office.

The secretary called and told me it just arrived, but she had to leave and would mail the checks and needed to know when I could make a payment. This is where the story gets interesting. Brent was ordered to pay my attorney $5k, which he did. The remainder of the balance I would be responsible for. Lacy, the secretary, told me it was a little over $3k. When I heard that amount, it was obvious that it upset me. Here it was Christmas, I have three children to buy for, and my parents have been picking up the bill when I couldn't afford it.

Over the weekend, I worked everything out to where I could get the check, put it in the bank, and pay my attorney off, and move on with my life. But, that's not how it went. On the 20th, I sent a message stating that I have not received the checks ... here's the following correspondence via email:

Him: Not until we can sit down and discuss my fee.

Me: I understand that you want and need to be paid. However, considering I never signed a contract - I don't know what you get paid. Also, keep in mind that I've only seen one statement and that was the one you put in front of me during trial. So, I would think its only fair that I receive one immediately so that I know what I owe.
I was hoping that after speaking with Lacy Friday, you were going to send me a copy. I never received that nor the check. Please keep in mind that as a single mother, I do not have that kind of money laying around. Therefore, I was waiting on the check so I could get it to the bank so it would clear before I met with you over the weekend.
Also, I personally never agreed to the latest order, if I remember correctly, it was you not wanting to get up that early. I would have never put that much trust into a crack head. I have three children who depend on me. I'm trying to get my life back in order and give back my parents the money that I borrowed when Brent didn't pay child support. They are on a fixed income and can't afford to keep dishing out. Besides that, Christmas being five days away. I was depending on that money to purchase their gifts. You saw my financial records - I have nothing. But, I made arrangements to pay you in full and call it a day. It saddens me to think you are going to dangle these checks now like carrots. I really thought we were better than that.
Please send me a detailed billing, then we can meet at my bank to deposit the checks since both signatures are required. I will authorize my bank to setup a bank draft to your account as soon as the checks are cleared. This meeting needs to be mutually agreed upon with no charges incurred. After this issue is settled, we can suspend any communication with the other party unless cleared by myself. After the New Year, we need to discuss your hourly and court appearance rates for future business.
Thank you for your support and guidance during such a trying time in my children and my life.
Him: You are misconstruing everything. I wanted to meet with you asap BECAUSE of Christmas and BECAUSE I am willing to accept substantially less the the total bill. But after your accusations, after I worked for you for months for nothing, I am nothing short of amazed by your tone. I have been trying to arrange a meeting since before my surgery on Dec 11.
Me: I'm not asking for a hand out, and never have. I have been straight forward with you from the get go and appreciate what you did. Just send me the statement and let's put it behind us. As far as the tone, I could say the same thing about you.
As you know I've only worked for this company since October. On several occasions I had to ask off for court appearances, as well as for sick children (who has been canceled from Brent's insurance). I come in at 6am and never really know what time I get off - balancing that with going to school full time and taking care of my children, my schedule is very tight. That's the best I can offer is meeting on the weekend. I can't afford to lose this job, and I can't afford any more debt.
Him: When can we meet this weekend?
Me: My bank closes at noon on Saturday's.
Him: Then we meet 10 am Sat or this evening?
Me: 10am at the bank? I still haven't received a statement?
Him: Please confirm when you would like to meet.
Me: I can't confirm. At this point, it will have to be after the new year. All 3 kids have been in and out of the hospital and now I have to figure out a way to make Christmas happen for them. That's my priority! Even if I met with you today, it would be pointless because the check, even though it's a cashier check, still takes at least one business day to clear.
Actually, I'm still confused on why we even have to meet. I was in your office on 12/4 collecting my files, why wasn't this discussed then?? I'm going to pay you, all I'm asking for is a detailed summary since I have NEVER seen one. I don't know what the big deal is. So, if you want to hold the checks until then - so be it. I can't deal with it now. There's too much going on!!! Its the same story with my personal belongings from Brent, the children being insured, and whatever else. The whole system is a joke!
Merry Christmas!
Him: You are making this far more difficult and dramatic than is necessary. The check is drawn on a local Credit union. We have verified the funds are there. They are open until 6. When can you meet me there?  Lacy will be emailing bill w/in the next half hour.
[In the meantime, the hospital calls me back to tell me Casie's culture grew something and came back positive for strep. All three children were running extremely high temperatures, and it was round two at the hospital with Marissa who then tested positive for RSV. I was terrified to say the least since the only thing I really knew about it was that my brother-in-law's grandson died from it. Not to mention, picking up presciptions was a blast since Brent canceled the children's insurance.]
Next email was the first statement I saw .... totaling in at $4,649.26. The first thing I saw after skimming over it was a Certified Mail Fee for $92.00. Really?!? My mind at this point was literally all over the place.
Me: Wow! That's cute! That's quite a jump from the $3k I was told last Friday!! Nice!
Him: Wow! Last Friday I had not added on fees incurred since the end of July and wasn't going to. That's why I wanted to sit down and talk. But you chose this route instead. It is just sad.
I wanted to work out something fair to both of us.
[I'm thinking 'if he wanted to do that, then why didn't he just do it instead of add more stress to an already stressful situation'.]
Do you want to meet at 5/3 tomorrow am? I need to know so I can fetch the check from office
[These messages came at different times, but I was at the children's hospital at the time and chose not to deal with it then.]
OK. It is 8:15 on Friday evening. I am about to go to bed. I have heard nothing from you about getting your money to you in time for Christmas. I will be turning phone off. However if you leave me a message, email, text or phone I will get in the am in time to pick up check and meet you at 5/3.
Me: Marissa just got out of Kosair w/ RSV, the other 2 have strep among other things. The hospital wants us to be at the pediatrician in the morning. Their Saturday hours are 9am-noon. I won't know until I talk to them in the morning.
That was it .... never heard back - today is the 28th, still no checks, no personal belongings, and the children still have no insurance.
My kiddos still aren't 100%, but they are on the road to recovery. They were really bummed about missing Christmas parties at school and poor Casie wasn't able to be in the program either. They don't seem to ask about their Dad or even talk about him much for that matter. His mom sent them a Christmas card and they talked to her for a bit. She asked them if she could speak to me and they handed me the phone. It's been a long time since that happened, but she was nice and I reiterated the fact that her and her Michigan family are more then welcome to keep in contact with my kids if they choose to.
Christmas was interesting to say the least - a chair crashed while someone was sitting in it, the front porch caught on fire, Santa came for a visit w/ a feminine voice, you never know who's walking through the door next, but all in all, it was good because it was spent with family and friends. And most importantly, my children were happy!
All I know is 2013 HAS to be my year ... (smile)
We will see what turns out, in the meantime, enjoy the good people in your life. God Bless and Much Love!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Let Me Bring You Up to Speed ... CRASH!!!

Funny! I started to think about my LinkedIn account and everything clicked. A few months back, I kept getting request from Brent's "BIG DUMMY" friend. Obviously, I ignored them. However, last week - my phone started going crazy and requesting everyone in the "people you may know category". At first, I didn't care, because it was legit. I put my phone down and forgot about it. When I came back a few minutes later, it showed that "BIG DUMMY" was one of those requested. (In case you forgot, Big Dummy is Brent's roadie.) Yikes!!! I didn't want that to happen. This guy is 100% comparable to Brent. That's obviously why they are BFFs. Anyway, you put two and two together and you realize why that friendship works - their world must be so boring to have to revolve around mine. Oh well. It's flattering in a way.

Anyway, since we are on the subject of said person - I actually reached out to his (Brent's friend, "BIG DUMMY") ex-wife to give my condolences for an unfortunate occurrence that took place. She was so sweet and it was nice to catch up with her. Now, I wish that I would have been friends with her vs. his big, tall lanky ass. But, whatever. He's out of my life, so no biggie.

I got a lot of different feedback after my last post. There was concerns from ones who fear for mine and my families safety. Ones who were shocked of how history repeated itself. There was encouragement to keep up what I'm doing. Ones who were angry that some one can get by with so much. There were ones who thought it was hysterical. And there was some who were disgusted with what they read.You mix all those emotions together and that's how I felt.

In a way, I thought maybe I put too much out there. But, I am committed to this blog and if I didn't share it, I wouldn't be being honest. I am saddened that our justice system allows this behavior to continue to keep happening. But, I'm even more saddened that our streets are filled with junkies like this. At one point, I felt that there would always be a tiny, minuet spot in my heart for him. But, that's been filled and voided. I don't want to say that I hate the dude, because hate is such a strong word. But, I strongly dislike him and hope that I never have to see him again. When asked about him, I seem to automatically give the same response "he's just a dumb ass". Maybe that's all I feel about him. I don't know. And, frankly, I don't even care.

My friends jumped my ass for even speaking to Kara. This was the first email I received from her in a long time. We don't talk on a regular basis, or anything. And probably will never speak again. But, I do feel sorry for her. I can relate, I can understand, but that's about it. We had too much shared ground in common and there's no reason for us to be "friends", so to speak. So, that's the extent to that.When it comes to friends, God broke the mode when it came to mine. I'm truly blessed when it comes to that department.

However, on Thanksgiving morning I received one final email from her. It was simply a copy of the Emergency Protective Order she filed in the state of Illinois against Brent. A court hearing will be held there on the 11th.

Last week was a hearing for the Domestic Violence Order violation that I took out here in Kentucky. Guess what?? Pushed again to next month. Honestly, I knew it would happen. Or should I say I wasn't surprised. This is the same road I've traveled in this case. However, today was the day for the family court business in regards to holding him in contempt for not (1) paying maintenance (he's three months behind); (2) returning my personal items within 15 days of the previous order; (3) paying the purge amount of $8,115.50 by October 17. My aunt and uncle were going to meet me there to offer their support.

My co-workers and I have formed a bond and they knew about today, so they were very supportive. So, it was easy for me to share my anxiety about what the trial would hold. When the time folded out, I arrived in the parking garage in plenty of time. To my surprise, when I rounded the second floor there before me was Brent and "Big Dummy". I could tell you the million things that started racing through my head, but all of that was shot to hell when I freakin crashed my vehicle. Yes, you read that right ... I crashed! I was on the phone with my mom who heard the whole thing go down and started telling me to stop the vehicle. I explained, "I can't mom - these two nuts are right here and I fear for my life with both of them!!!" I knew my tire was flat at that point, so I hurried along to the next floor. This all was happening so fast. My mom then said "Hang up and I'll call your aunt.". I was so upset and embarrassed at that point, I begged "No, please just stay on the phone with me!" I rounded the next turn and it was, no joke, like a shining light shining on my aunt and uncle two cars up. To express my gratitude to them for all they have did, there just wouldn't be enough minutes in a day. They jumped in my car for me to go park, calmed me down, and off to court we headed.

As the elevator quickly made it's arrival to the sixth floor of the Family Court building, there sat Brent and his "buddy". It wasn't long until the attorney's arrived and the sheriff was calling our name. After we were sworn in, Brent's attorney explained that the original attorney was out sick and that he wasn't familiar with the case and asked for it to be pushed back. My testimony was heard and the judge ruled for the continuance to take place Thursday at 8am.

After that, my uncle changed the tire for me and off I headed to my attorney's office. When I arrived, she had already received an email from Brent's attorney saying that I could retrieve my items this evening. I was like "Um, no! That guy can't tell the truth to save his life - I don't believe he has it. Let's call his bluff and have him bring it to the trial Thursday in front of the judge." ... she agreed.

Riding on a spare sucks.  It was a time that I used to collect my thoughts. Sure, I was totally embarrassed, but I couldn't escape the obvious - Brent's demeanor. There's no other way to describe it then, he looked like someone took an air hose, shoved it right up his ass, and blew his head up. To say "bloating" would be the understatement of the year. In addition to that, every hair on that guy's body had turned to white. This 45 year old man was now starting to resemble the look of an 80 year old. He still had that creepy way about him. As for someone who always brings it to my attention that I'm fat - he doesn't have a leg to stand on anymore. He's not fat, but he's not healthy. The drugs have reached a new high on this man. And if his "friend" doesn't realize it, then he's not as smart as he thinks he is. The old saying comes to mind, "people that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" ... or some shit like that. But, eventually I made my way back to work.

I shared my story with my co-workers and of course, they laughed their ass off at my dumb ass. I was like "Yep - now I can be fat and can't drive!" Hey, it made for interesting topics to say the least. It wasn't long before my attorney called and explained that Brent's team has made an "offer" that he would pay me half of the money to delay the sentencing. I interrupted with "HELL NO". He made his bed, now he has to lay in it. I'm finished bailing his sorry ass out. This is not about me - it's about our children! And they deserve every penny of it. If they don't get it, his crack pipe will! However, the judge was very stern and assured him that he would be taken into custody immediately. Now, we sit and wait .... until Thursday!

Maybe this is what the dude needs, because at this point there's not many options left for him. I will try to be the better person and hope for the best. But, at this point I've been through so much - I'm not sure what to think.

If you are reading this and are currently using drugs, go back to the beginning and re-read this downward spiral that this man has taken and how it has affected so many. Rethink it and live life - don't be a schmuck to let someone dictate it for you.

There's a lot more ground to cover, but I'm going to have to share that at the next post. In the meantime, thank you for supporting my blog - we are now getting closer to 21,000 hits. God Bless and Much Love!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Hi-Ho, Oh, Did U Know?!?!

I try keeping myself in every way possible disconnected from Brent. Changing my number only added madness to the mix. It's disturbing to think some one's life is so pathetic that they need to harass me every which way possible.

In the past I started to tell a little bit about Brent's girlfriend reaching out to me. But, I abruptly changed the subject because, in all honesty, she asked me to. Since she's never did anything to me, I respected her wishes. Beside that fact, she was in danger and I didn't want to be responsible for anything to happen to her. However, today she gave me the clearance.

I feel this is important to share for numerous reason. But, if I had to narrow the reasoning down to just one it would be as a "character reference" for Brent. Instead of picking up where I left off about that, I'm going to share today's convo.

Here's the email that I received from her:

Kara: Hey, I hope you get this, let me know if you away woman!!! That freak will be in jail shortly for terroristic threats and I'm taking out an Emergency Protective Order tomorrow. I have GOT TO tell you all about this BS! (I GOT ALL OF MY FURNITURE, but had to leave a bunch small stuff behind). He is completely OUT OF HIS MIND!!!! Keep those kids AWAY FROM him and keep them safe! I'm serious. He really does belong in a mental institution!

WOMAN POWER! :) Hey, I'll join the blog and post his text messages and emails on there...I can't wait until you start making some big bucks from it! I'll tell the truth that you were right all along and I experienced the same BS!
Me: I had to change my number, because he wouldn't leave me alone. He's capable of a lot of creepy stuff, so be careful. I'm very scared of him - that's one of the reason's I kind of backed off on blogging. You can send me an email when you get a chance. His brother once told me "history repeats itself" ... and boy, was he right! Once upon a time, Brent used to be a great person (or at least, that's what I thought) - but, now days, the drugs have ate up his brain and he's comparable to the devil. From the bottom of my heart, please take my warning - don't trust him with anything. If he can do cruel things to 6 innocent children, no telling what he will do to an adult. I don't know you, but you seem to be a nice person. Don't waste your time with him - there's no "fixing" him. He's a lost cause.
Kara: Oh, trust me. I have to work today, but have made arrangements to go to court tomorrow morning to get an EPO. He blew up my phone so I changed my number. Now he's sending me emails that he's "gonna get me." He flipped out because, first, I didn't wait for him to get home. I hauled ass to get as much as I could, but left a lot of priceless stuff behind. Secondly, he thought he was going to get to keep my flat screen TV. NOT. Why should I enable him to get more drugs? I found a shit load of crack baggies and steel wool behind my bed when we took it apart. My crystal candle holders also came up missing. Those were priceless as well since they came from Europe. Anyway, he came up with some stupid story yesterday that he was "HERE" in Illinois and was coming to the house to get HIS TV. Whatever dude. Then he threatened to call my family, ruin my schooling, hell, ruin my life. Repeatedly, he text me "you cheating lying whore, bitch, slut, etc. I called the police here in IL and they said just because he's in KY doesn't mean they can't get to him for "Terroristic threats". So he better watch his Ps and Qs. The police said I had plenty of grounds for a restraining order. One other funny thing is that he knows where I live, but this place is out in the country but set up like Ft Knox! Motion sensors, etc. Not only that but my brother in law is armed. That crack head even barricaded the doors and windows all over the house. It was really freaky! WTF was he thinking? He literally had the chairs propped up against all the door handles in the house. The basement is all blocked out but there's sex toys and all kinds of crazy shit down there. He is really off of his rocker. I had to play games with him in order to get my stuff back. I'm pissed cuz of the stuff I had to leave behind...but at least I'm GONE! Then he says he got rear ended in the car he just bought and doesn't have a car anymore. OK, if you got rear ended, normally that would be the fault of the other driver, or your insurance would cover it. I don't know but based on all the things you said, I believe he traded it for drugs. Hey, here's a good tidbit for you to make a PILE of money! Be a bartender! That's what I'm doing now in a really tiny town and I'm making well over $150 per day in tip money. I don't have to go to work, but I love where I'm at now and I'm finally happy! I'll send you all the texts as soon as I get them all uploaded tonight to take to court tomorrow. My best to you! Women power to conquer assholes like that!

I think you should continue your blog. He can't touch you. He make shit up but has nothing to back it up. So really, I wouldn't worry about it.

Here's a really funny one. When I left here on Sunday to drive down there, he text me "that's fucked. Bring me McDonalds for breakfast." WTF???? Is he out of his mind? I had to make up a story that I was going back to Germany so that he couldn't mess with me anymore. Page turned and the book is closed on the crazy lunatic!

Take care...keep those kids away from that freak! I'll testify for you anytime you want!!!!! I will tell all!!!
Me: Wow! That's crazy! I feel bad for you, because I know what you are going through. Glad you got out. There's a point that you get to where you realize that what's left behind can stay there. Be thankful that you came out alive. That's where I got to. It's sad, but it all pans out in the end.
Kara: Oh, you can join me on FB and all that fun stuff now. That'll really piss him and "Bob" off. ha ha ha ah!!!
I really do feel sorry for her. As a woman, we really should look out for each other. I tried to warn her months back, but she needed to learn on her own. Brent is a very manipulative person and can make anyone think he's decent. I hope for her safety, she saw his true colors and got the hell out of dodge. I can't help but wonder if Brent ever thinks about the last thing his dad told him. I was there and I know what it was, "straighten up boy, this is a lonely way to die". Maybe his Dad knew more then he led on to. Whatever the case may be, it's obviously something Brent is not living by.
Moments later, I got an email from my LinkedIn account. Here's what it says:
LinkedIn has received a Notice of False Profile submitted to us pursuant to our Notice and Procedure for making Claims Regarding Content Violations. We request that you immediately remove the infringing content identified below. If you don't take action three business days from the date of this email, we will remove or disable access to the allegedly infringing, inaccurate or unlawful content identified in the Notice pursuant to our Procedure.

...This profile is grossly incorrect. This person has only a high school diploma. She has no
working knowledge of 6 sigma or any of the quality process listed. She
has never worked as a (Identity Protection) employee. She is studying to
obtain a Associates degree at a non ABET accredited school in a field
completely unrelated to the position listed. ...
Again, this is Brent's work. I wish he would spend more time focusing on things that matter then what I do and don't do for that matter. Although, I will refrain myself from stating the obvious of "Geee, your parents wasted all their money on your education and you ended up a crack head who collects a government check.", but what would be the point?!?! So, instead I simply responded back to LinkedIn and ignored the sheer ignorance of a drug-induced, mental person who was hoping I would reach out to him. I'm sure his next move will be to let me know some how that I'm fat. Like I don't know already, right?!?
Oh well, I'm glad he doesn't bother me anymore. Again, I feel sorry for such a lost soul. I will say an extra prayer for that man tonight.
Anyway, things are going smoother on my end. Sure, I have my up and downs, but I'm a freakin survivor. Have a great day. God Bless and Much Love!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Short and Sweet

Life has been so peaceful since I changed my number. Why didn't I do this long before now?!?! I guess I was afraid to add another change in my children's life. But, that was crazy thinking - they almost already know the new digits.

Speaking of kids, they've been really sick with a stomach virus. It's been horrific. I actually caught it and it knocked me out of commission for a few days.

Today is the court hearing for Brent failing to pay child support, maintenance, and returning my belongings to me. To once be a smart individual, he sure lost his ways. And that's all I'm going to say about that. Let the chips fall where they may.

Over the last several years, I have come across a lot of people that have experienced situations similar to mine. It's never distinguished by race, sex, wealth, religion, education, or any other factor, or lack of. Addiction does not discriminate. Unfortunately, it's a major problem in our world. I know I can't fix it. Believe me, if I could - I would. But, I can bring awareness and so can you. Don't be naive like I was. Do your research and know what is going on around you.

This post is short and to the point. God Bless and Much Love!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Freaks Come Out At Night

So, you are probably wondering why I happened to fall off away from blog world. Well, the answer is simple. Brent!

My dear friends helped me land a new job. Even though the position is only temporary, it was in my best interest to come off the blog in hopes that he wouldn't find me or know about the new position. I was torn between emotions. At first, I was so excited to get back at it. Yet, on the other hand, I had been a stay at home since Casie was born. It was hard to wake up one day and realize that someone else would be getting my kids up in the morning - making sure they were dressed appropriately, do the girl's hair, make sure they brushed their teeth, feed them breakfast - but, most of all, it was that drive to school every morning that I miss the most. We talked about so much, sometimes they would sing and laugh, and then seeing them jump out and head into school with smiles on their face is a proud moment for any parent. But, I knew that in order to support them and give them the life they deserve, this is something I had to do. It was hard getting used to working full time and going to school full time, but things started to fall into place and I knew I made the right decision. Within a few short weeks, this girl is debt free!!!

I was so excited to see some familiar faces from my past at my new job. Working in a large corporation, it's easy to access the address book and look people up. Apparently, that's what someone did. Brent found out where I was. He sent me a text page as an unverified sender. Basically, what that means is he goes into my cell phone carrier's website and types in a number to send a text. Since it doesn't come directly from the phone, it will register as that number but state that it's "unverified". It read, "If you want a job there, send me your resume. Lol!" What an idiot!!!

Days following that, my phone blew up with phone calls from mental hospitals and eating disorder clinics responding to entries that he entered online. I mean, seriously .... a 45 year old man doing this?!?! First off, you have to wonder is his life really that pathetic that he has nothing better to do? Secondly, he must be a few fries short of a happy meal to do something like this. So, I'm wondering if he's high on his drugs or off his meds!!! Something is up! This isn't the first time he did this either. I mean, his message is loud and clear - he thinks I'm fat and mental. But, behaving like a child isn't really saying much for him, now is it?!?!

He didn't pay his back child support, or do anything else the court ordered for that matter, so we are scheduled to go back to court over that on the 12th. According to our divorce decree, he will be sentenced to 6 months in jail. That could be the best thing that ever happens to him. Especially, if they lose the key.

Then, there was the Domestic Violence trial. That was a joke!!!! And I'm sorry, but I do question our justice system. As my aunt and I walked through the corridor, Brent snapped a picture with his cell phone of our back sides. I don't get what that was about. Maybe he was taking it to show his friends my fat ass. But, I was freaked out. He is crazy and sort of freaking pervert!!!! Apparently, the Commonwealth of Kentucky and his attorney hashed out a deal without even talking to me. Back to rehab and Seven Counties he goes. In the meantime, he can continue to harass the shit out of me.

That night, my cell phone rang in the middle of the night. I was half asleep, so I didn't get it. Seconds later, the home phone rang. I knew it must be something bad, so I jumped up. It was my oldest sister.

"CC, are you ok?!?! The alarm company just called me and said there is trouble in the house."
"No, everything is fine ... the dogs aren't barking and it's not going off."
"Well, stay put - the police are on their way."

Moments later, the police arrived in multiple cars. I opened the door and told them that I didn't know what was going on. The alarm wasn't going off, but would check around the inside. He told me that the house appeared to be secure and to call back if we needed anything. As soon as they pulled off, the home phone rang .... the number showed an Elizabethtown number, which is a town about an hour south of Louisville. My mom and I both answered and there was his voice on the other end .... his sheepish "Hello" ... but, when he realized my mom was on the phone as well, he passed it to someone else. The guy said "I got the wrong number, my bad." and hung up. I thought, do I call the police back?!? Nope! Instead I called that number back, it was a "non-working number". Interesting, huh? Since I can't prove it - I have to pretend it didn't happen. Cute, huh??

Because of the picture, he's being held in contempt .... so back to court on the 29th. Put yourself in my shoes, starting a new job and having to ask off for this ignorant shit!!! I'm sure that makes me look really good. Luckily, the people I work with are very cool and understanding. It's still embarrassing though. Finally, I had enough. I changed my damn number!!! Life has been so peaceful without all the "blocked" and "anonymous" calls. My next move is to delete my email account. Since he will no longer know where I reside, it's less likely to deal with his sorry ass! Hopefully!

My kids and I will be doing a lot of traveling in the weeks to follow. We are so excited to be able to move on and get on with life. Although there's still a lot to sort out, I feel better knowing that my children will one day realize who was both "mommy and daddy" to them.

I will continue on with my blog, but please understand that with my current schedule, I will not be able to post as often as I would like. I hope everyone had a great Halloween!!!! God Bless to All and of course, much love!!!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Taking A Break - Safety Reasons

At this time, I feel for the safety and security of my family I need to discontinue the blog. I hope that one day, I can pick back up. But, there's too much going on at this point. My apologies. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I WILL be back. God Bless each of you!!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

New Phase

A million things going on around me and a faint noise makes its presence from inside my pocket. I reach in to pull my phone out and it's a number I don't recognize. Hesitantly, I answered. It was the Center for Women and Children following up in response to a police report filed last week. Her voice was friendly and kind. I explained to her that the harassment hasn't stopped from Brent. His phone call last night was strange and didn't make sense. Despite the numerous repeated calls, he got through to one. It went from explaining that we had a lot to talk about. Then, accusations that the blog is a lie. He even went as far to say "Congrats on the Annulment, now our children are bastard's." He must have been high on crack. I was angry and kept repeating "don't call me", "we have nothing to talk about", "we pay our attorney's to do the talking", along with a few choice inappropriate words. I know it's not productive to speak to him. But, when someone hangs up calls your phone, hangs up, call back, and continues this you get a little annoyed.

I contacted my phone service provider and was basically told that without an actual number, they are unable to block these calls. The only option I have is to change my phone number. People question me why I haven't did that. The answer is simple, I have a 5,4, and 3 year old that knows that number. Maybe it doesn't make sense, but to me it does.

The lady from the Center reminded me to keep my phone with me at all times. Brent is a very dangerous person and is out to get me. She encouraged me to continue to call the police when I feel is necessary and recommended to join one of their weekly sessions. She asked again, "is there anything else he said". I thought and finally continued, "He said that it was an old friend of mine that reached out to him. He calls from her phone and pushes *67, so I won't know her number. He's very far away from home now and kept saying he's clear as a bell!" I was side-tracked by another thought and changed the conversation , "The detective is going to contact me this evening and let me know the next steps in this process. We have a Jury Trial at the end of the month for the violations of the Domestic Violence Order that is already pending. It's been pushed back several times, so I wouldn't be surprised if it happens again."

She could tell I was distracted by something else and calmly went on with the conversation. I know everything he said was a lie. What kind of women would allow a man to use his phone that often to contact his ex-wife? Besides that, all of my friends hated him. I can't see any of them reaching out to him. Also, for someone to claim they are clear as a bell so many times, is trying to prove them self, therefore another lie. I don't care what he says. It used to bother me, but he's one of those people that likes to hear himself talk.

When I hung up the phone, I thought "Omg! Instead of filling this lady in with everything that happened, I cut her off to catch the latest Days of Our Lives commercial. Seriously, what is that?" I guess deep within, I felt it was pointless to keep repeating Brent's current events. He's wasting my time and life with his ignorant tactics. Obviously, it's more important to know that Kristen is returning to Days of Our Lives than the drama in my soap opera. Yes, I fear for my life with this bozo, but do I sit around and hide out??? Hell no! He doesn't win anymore. Of course, I will always be cautious and follow the "buddy rule", but that's it. Life goes on, and obviously so does my favorite soap opera. (smile)

I had more important things going on. The Girl Scout Meeting went great yesterday. Casie is so excited about events that are planned out. I was honest with her and told her what happened - everything! Then, I talked to her about her father. She was cool with the whole thing and appreciated the help of the Troop leader. She's a sweet little girl and I know she struggles, but she's going to be fine. That kid has a good head on her shoulders and knows right from wrong.

Today was picture day at the children's school. As we sat down for breakfast, I admired how cute each of them looked. These little guys are my world and I am blessed to have them. They giggled as my Dad told them he was taking "Granny" out on a date. After 50 years of marriage, these two are good role models for my babies. I am thankful to have my parents help guide me through the "parent-hood express". Don't get me wrong, they are quick to remind me that when the children are in trouble, it's karma knocking on my door. (laughing)

Here's a toast, to a new beginning of the next phase of healing! God Bless and Much Love!!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Not All Treasures Are Gold

Guess what arrived over the weekend??? The official paperwork from the annulment. To say I was excited to have that in my hand would be the understatement of the year. It's a world of difference when you hear it's official and actually seeing the documentation. I was thrilled and couldn't wait to share the news.

Today was a very trying day, but I really learned how blessed I am to have great friends. My awesome friend, Marleen, sent the sweetest email that made so much sense over the weekend. I would like to copy part of it and share with you:

God doesn’t only give us what we need. He also blesses us with the things that our hearts desire, too. I don’t believe for a second that God would create you with all this love in your heart and deny you of a loving, loyal, wonderful man to take you as his wife - love your kids like his own - and stand by your side.

That statement really hit home and gave me something to hold on to. It went on to tell that everything happens for a reason and gave real life examples. She has a way with her words that can always cheer me up. With that being said, that's why I believe God put her in my life.

Another friend is Gracie. She's one of those people who can sense something is wrong and be there at the perfect time. I love the fact that she doesn't give up on me - if I don't answer the phone, text, or Facebook, she will find a way to get a hold of me. I don't avoid her by any means, but when I get down I find myself in this shell where I just want to hide. It's always reassuring to speak to her, she's quick to let me know that what I'm feeling is normal and natural and to remind me that I do have people who care and love me.

Dana is another person I truly treasure. She's been catching up on my blog and sent a message. I would like to share some of it with you, because she's so right! Sometimes it just takes hearing it from someone else to actually hit home.

You said how bad it hurts that Brent chose drugs over you and your family. I don't think that he chose drugs over you guys. He did choose to use once, maybe twice (really stupid!!) but after that...... the drug chose him! He was under the invisible spell of addiction. Nothing comes before addiction......nothing! He's won't ever be's just how many days sober.
I know its splitting hairs kinda....but it's how I think of it, and its true. I am all about personal responsibility, but the addiction made Brent into a monster. I know he doesn't deserve forgiveness.....I'm not saying that.....just that he didn't choose the drugs over you.

Reading that really clicked on the light, so to speak. Casie struggles every day with the abandonment of her father. She dearly loves him and can't understand why he doesn't "just get better". I feel I'm giving her false hope by saying "all we can do is pray for him". Maybe I will take this approach and explain to her that Daddy will never get better. Once an addict, always an addict. We can pray for his sobriety but she needs to know that he chose the initial path and he will never be the same person she remembers him to be. Which in the back of my mind, I wonder what is that exactly??

The guy was always a useless bum who laid in bed or on the couch all day, besides his 5000 trips to smoke a cigarette outside. He never read to them, played games, took them for walks or to the parks, he never bathed them, or cared about if they were hungry or not. I did it and never thought twice about it because I always blamed it on his bipolar disorder. Besides the fact, I'm their mother - and that's what mother's do. He hated to go to Disney because he claimed they heard you around like cattle and steal all of your money. In fact, I remember taking Casie and Tommy to Magic Kingdom (by myself) while his ass stayed in the room. Strangers were helping me on and off the rides. Instead he wanted to push the "lake house" down their throat. Don't get me wrong, northern Michigan is beautiful and we had great times there. But, it was all about what HE wanted to do, never mind the children's needs or wants. So, why does she think of him as some hero? Why doesn't she see him for the piece of shit he really is????

That brings me to this morning. Casie has been so excited about joining the Girl Scouts since the first poster showed up on the school walls. I knew financially it would be trying, but was determined to make it happen. Not only is it a fantastic program, but it really teaches life lessons. I tried everything in my power to get the funds. If Brent would have paid me, like he was court ordered, it wouldn't have been a problem. But, I'm sure he will throw his mental card for that one. Last time I spoke to the jerk off, I said (and I quote), "Your daughter really wants to join the Girl Scouts. Please get me the money or she will not be able to do so." His response, "That's your problem! Get a job!" What an asshole. I have been to interview after interview, and even applied for positions that might as well pay crackers. Believe me, if I could get a job I would tell him to take his lousy ass money and shove it up his ass! But, this is for his daughter, not me ... how can a father be like that?!?!

I planned on coming home from dropping the kids off at school and gather some books, CD's, and DVD's to go sell to make this happen. The first meeting is today. But, unfortunately, I woke up with kidney stones. I was in so much pain. At that point, I realized I just couldn't do it. I cried my eyes out and didn't know where to turn. I finally typed this email to the troop leader. It read:

Hey girl!!
I'm so embarrassed to write this email, but I'm going to have to pull Casie from the Daisy's. Believe me, I tried everything before I had to send this message. She is going to be so disappointed when I break the news, but maybe next year will work out better. Sorry for the late notice.

CC Lyons
This troop leader is another blessing that came into my life. We became friends over the summer when she reached out to offer some support of this whole colossal mess up called life. She is Casie's friend's mom and such a good person. She immediately responded to my email ... I chose not to answer right away. Then, she called. I couldn't answer because at that point I was bawling like a baby and couldn't catch my breath. And finally, she sent me a text asking why. I explained everything to her. She assured me it would be confidential and offered some other options in order to keep Casie in this program. It was mortifying and I didn't want her to think of me as some charity case. She was so cool about the whole thing and assured me that everything would work out. She's such a great person and I'm so glad it was her that I could talk to versus someone I didn't know.
Although, it would be nice to keep these things confidential - I blog. And it's only fair if I share everything. So, as Brent reads this and laughs to his buddies of this financial struggle - he's the one that looks like the douche bag father ... scratch that, sperm donor! And I have REAL friends and family who pick me up when he knocks me down and I will make it. And my children will one day figure it out and see him for the evil person he is!!!
Yes, I have to do the walk of shame into the meeting today ... but, it's ok. I did lose my cool for a minute when my phone rang with a "Blocked" caller ... I picked it up and simply said "Quit calling me, you pathetic piece of shit!!" Needless to say, he might of got the message but with his lack of brain cells he couldn't comprehend it, I'm sure!!
Be thankful for those special treasures you have in your life, I know I am!!! God Bless and Much Love!!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Crazy Days

Today was crazy. Before I start to tell you about it, I'm proud to announce that our hits for this blog has went above 18k!!! That's sweet! Thanks so much for the continued support.

I woke up at 6am, even though the children didn't have school. After getting ready, I had to go switch vehicles with my brother and off I went to a job interview. Arriving an hour early, I was so nervous and so excited at the same time. It went very well and I should know something within a week. Please keep your fingers crossed, this is a fantastic opportunity and I'm hoping that I am offered the position. My dear friend helped me get my foot in the door and I want to let her know how much I appreciate her!!!

After the interview, I had to take Marissa to the doctor because she had a few mosquito bites, one of them actually grew to the size of my palm on her neck. It was scary and I just wanted to be safe then sorry. I had my three children and my niece with me. We sat and waited in the waiting room for over a half an hour, then was finally taken back and put into a room that was about as big as my arm. Normally, I'm very calm and able to keep things running smoothly during long waits. However, after an hour - I let the kids get rowdy without even trying to settle them down. It's safe to say that it worked, within a few minutes the doctor came in and we were out of the office very quickly. She said it was an allergic reaction and called in a steroid cream to put on it.

I finished my homework and off I go for along weekend. If nothing major develops, I will check back in Monday! Have a great weekend!! God Bless and Much Love!!!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Never Ending Game

Here we go again!!! But, before I fill your ear with more ignorance from Brent, I would like to share the rest of the day. All of the children were well and went to school. It was conference day and everything went great. I am a proud mama!

Today has been one of those day's where I feel very stressed out. I have a lot to do, but not enough time to complete it. Guess it's gonna be another all nighter. Or maybe not. We'll see.

Anyway, I have a good friend that really came through for me today. It's a good opportunity that could change our future, but I don't want to release too much information in case it doesn't pan out. But, I'm super excited about that. And will share as soon as I can.

So, ding dong called today. He must be using that "Fake Caller ID" app on his phone, because although it shows up as "Blocked" on my cell, on the home phone it shows up as (502) number. When you call it back, it says it's a non-working number. Tuff guy, huh? Anyway, I answered and he started off with "Can you email me pictures of the kids?" I said, "Can't I'm busy right now. Why are you calling?" .... and on with the B.S., pull up your feet because it's getting deep.

B: I know you don't have insurance, so I decided to leave you on it for another 90 days.
Me: Hmmm, maybe you aren't the son of a bitch I thought you were, but I was reading where that is common practice to allow Cobra to reinstate.
B: No it's not. You should have been off on the first day.
Me: OK, well, where's the maintenance payment that was due on the first?
B: I don't handle my money anymore, my attorney took that over and makes the distributions when necessary.
Me: I bet. So, this insurance thing - don't think that's coming out of my maintenance, I don't need any favors from you.
B: Well, I don't need to be reading about it in your blog or hearing from your attorney about it.
Me: Whatever! So, the stuff that you were ordered to return to me. The children and I will be out of town from tomorrow through Sunday - you need to call my mom to set something up to drop it off.
B: Yeah right! That's your attorney's fault. We sent her a letter explaining that you needed to pay for a POD's Moving Truck to be delivered here. I can't help that she didn't respond. Therefore, your shit is gone! And as far as the house, you won't see a penny of that either - I'm letting it get foreclosed on!
Me: OK, friendly reminder ... you aren't supposed to call me anymore. Remember there is a DVO against you that remains in affect until 2014. Good-bye.

So, the first thing I did was laugh and look over at my dad. He shook his head and said "I don't even want to know - he's sick, CC!" I typed up a message to my attorney and explained what happened. She immediately responded and is working on things right now. After she responded, I wrote her back and said "Do you know how to tell when he's lying? When he moves his mouth!" Bless her heart, I know she wanted to respond, but she was professional and went about handling the matter instead of engaging in my thoughts.

Since that's out of the way, guess what?!?! My marriage, if that's what you want to call it, is officially annulled today. I can now get married in the church. Better yet, the church does not recognize that marriage to Brent. Yay!!!!

Ok, and as I'm typing this out a police officer showed up. My parents were walking up the sidewalk and the officer approached them and asked if they lived in this house and said he needed to speak with me over a blog. At the same time, I was getting ready to leave to take Casie to soccer practice and Tommy started shouting, "Mommy, Poppy is talking to a real live police officer." I walked to the door and automatically thought the worst. Honestly, I thought he was delivering bad news about Brent. Turns out Brent called the hotline and reported that I made a blog post that I was planning on harming myself. I explained the whole situation and told him that was totally incorrect. Several hours later, a police report was filed and Brent will now be facing more charges. Wow! Does this guy ever stop?!?! He really freaks me out!!!!! This guy needs to be locked up and throw away the key. He's capable of anything. Needless to say, Casie missed her soccer practice. I'm embarrassed to tell the coach why, but I have no other choice.

As you can see from the events that unfolded today, it's been one of those emotional roller coaster types of days. I'm overdue for some downtime. So, I will make sure I take that opportunity. I hope you do too! God Bless and Much Love!!!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Public Speaking

When I signed up for Public Speaking this quarter, I could feel my teeth grinding in fear. And today, as I work through the class, I'm still doing so. There's something about getting in front of a crowd and talking that scares me to death. I can share my life on this blog. And if you put me in front of my friends or family, my comfort zone, I'm fine. But, the whole idea of speaking in front of strangers is another story.

There goes that thinking process through my mind - what if I have something on my face or teeth?!? What if I forget what I'm talking about?!? I will probably use a word in the wrong context. What if my presentation doesn't come across as I mean for it too?  I hope I don't fall.

It's very scary for me. Bottom line, I'm a very self-conscious person, and believe it or not, very shy. But, this is one of those things I have to do, therefore I push myself forward. Unfortunately! I constantly remind myself, "this is for the kids; you will never be dependant on a man again" type scenario's, but that doesn't make the fear go away. At all. (smile)

What happened to life when everything was so simple?!?! Before marriage, before children .... why did that time fly by so fast? And to think I wasted so much time planning my future, when in reality it turned out nothing like I pictured. Obviously a failed marriage isn't what I hoped for, but I guess that's where that old saying comes into play "dust yourself off and try again". So, that's what I'm going to try to do. I guess my Grandma knew what she was talking about when she said not to worry about tomorrow - it isn't here yet." If only I would have listened, I wouldn't have wasted so much time day dreaming. Ha ha ha

This morning, I got the children up for school ... same routine - get them dressed, brush their teeth, do their hair, let the dogs out, and then sit them down for breakfast. As they are eating, I run around and do some last minute things, like snacks, lunches, whatever. However, this morning was really giving me a run for my money - poor Marissa starts puking all over the place. Luckily, it's nothing serious, more of a drainage problem,but I kept her home from school. These are those moments as a single parent, you wish you had the other parent to help. The only thing I could do after getting her cleaned up was hand her a bag to hold in the car while we took the other two to school.

My parents watched her as I went to a scheduled doctor visit - the Psychiatrist (the doctor that handles the medication). I parked the car and walked through the parking lot to the tall office building. The thought crossed my mind, does people in other offices think "there goes another crazy into that one" as they greet you with a friendly smile? It's kind of embarrassing, but that's another thing I have to push through in order to deal with my depression/anxiety issues, although I walk with my head hung low.

The doctor is a very intelligent man who is very easy to talk to. After he scanned through his notes, he looked up and said "How did the trial go?" I could almost feel the relief fall from my shoulders, I immediately responded "In my opinion great. My biggest thing is the kids and everything went as I hoped for." He looked up over his glasses and asked, "Do you think he will ever get visitation with them?" I shrugged my shoulders and answered "I hope for my children's sake that he can get clean and be a good father figure in their life, but I'm afraid he's too far gone. His crack addiction cost him his job, his home, and his family. I have little to no hope in him anymore."

I explained that because I won't have insurance for awhile that I would need to schedule my next appointment out a way. He agreed and discussed my current medication. Currently, I'm taking Welbutrin to help with the anxiety and depression. My goal is to eventually come off of it, but through this process I felt it was a necessity to retain some type of sanity. I've been on it for about four months and it seems to help. Although, I do occasionally notice a lot of aggravation towards certain adults, but it doesn't seem to be all the time so I will have to deal with it for the time being. I made the decision to stop going to the Psychologist (the one who does the counseling) because I felt all I did was repeat myself. She was a great help and was able to teach me how to pull through the hardest part. I'm in a much better place, but still have a way to go, but I feel that I can move forward in a positive direction without these sessions.

As I made my way down the long hallway in this building, there was a tall man strolling along. He must have been drunk or something because he was literally bouncing off one wall to the other. We briefly made eye contact and I gave him a slight smile. Inside, I kind of chuckled and thought, "it could be worse". It's funny how things work out. I wasn't judging this guy, but his actions made me be thankful that I didn't suffer other "issues" other then what I already do. Therefore, when I left I was able to hold my head a little higher and move on.

I guess that's what I'm going to have to do with this darn public speaking!!! (laughing) And just in case you're wondering, I did not receive my maintenance payment yesterday. Already notified my attorney!

Enjoy your day and conquer your fears.

God Bless and Much Love!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Sticks and Stones

What a long, relaxing weekend that just passed. Today, is not only the beginning of a new month, but it also starts my first maintenance payment from Brent. Have I received it yet? Nope. Do I think I will receive it? Probably not. He thinks he is above the law for some reason. If I get it by midnight tonight, I will be surprised!

Speaking of him, I want to share with you some of the immature things that I have to deal with. Is he just really that goofy or could it be the drugs? Anyway, I used to have a Jewelry Store Account, but after paying it off and closing it I stopped receiving emails - until the other day. Curiosity got the best of me and I logged in to see what the status was. Keep in mind that all of my account passwords have been changed, except this one because it was closed and I didn't really think anything of it. Brent logged in and changed my information: Address was Lard Ass Lane; City/State: Huge Ass, Kentucky; email address: *******_* (left blank to protect his identity). How do I know it was him?!?! That email address used to be mine for 10+ years. When he continued to harass me, I changed it and deleted that account. Einstein, with nothing better to do, created his own account with his information. Really dude?!?! My first thought was, I would rather be a fat ass than a crack head, but after thinking about it I feel sorry for him. For a 45 year old to do this type of thing, something is not right upstairs, if you know what I mean. Oh well.

I can do something about being heavy and I have, today I hit my 11 pound mark of losing weight. Considering I had three children in 30 months, then went through this whole crazy mess with him, I still have a way to go. But, I'm doing it - one pound at a time. So, I wonder, didn't his mother ever teach him the old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never kill me"? Because guess what buddy, my friend and I laughed at the ignorance of the whole thing.

You know there was a time that it would have bothered me, but I just don't care anymore when it comes to him. I know that's sad to say, considering he's the father of my children, but that's how I feel.

Anyway, its cold and rainy here today, so I'm going to snuggle up with my babies and make it a movie night with my three favorite little monkeys! But, before I do, I would like to share a Facebook page with everyone. I don't know these people, but their story is very touching - it's about a young boy suffering with cancer. If you haven't already, show your support and like this page. It's for a good cause and it offers encouragement to an innocent child. Also, please say a special prayer tonight for this little guy!!/PrayersforLaneGoodwin

God Bless and Much Love!

Friday, September 28, 2012

Keeping Busy, Helps Keep the Mind from Wondering

Yesterday was such a busy day! I picked the two little ones up early from Preschool because Marissa had an appointment with the Cardiologist. We were told that she has a murmur, which she will probably have the rest of her life. The good news is though, the kind she has will not cause any problems. Before we headed off to the Doppler room, the doctor told us, "if the hole in the heart closed - you won't have to come back". Yet, the ultrasound should that it was still there. It did get smaller, compared to last year, but since it's still there she needs to go back in 2 years.

Our next line of business was to head home and start working on the fish tank. Tommy and Marissa found the algae wafers for the algae eater and decided to feed it. The only problem is - they put the whole bag in. It was a crazy mess. The water turned murky almost immediately. With several trips back and forth to the fish store, a 75% water change, and cleaning EVERYTHING in the tank - it started to clear up. Unfortunately, this morning the algae grew back and is steadily trying to take over the tank again. The numbers are way off when I tested it, but I'm going to stay positive and hope that after everything settles our tank will go back to being beautiful again. This is one of my hobbies I started after I left Brent. It's peaceful to watch and has proved to be beneficial to calm stress and lower blood pressure.

Tonight is a big high school football game in Louisville, the Trinity-St. Xavier game. According to USA Today, the game is arguably the biggest rivalry in high school sports as 35,000 fans are expected travel Friday night to the University of Louisville’s Papa Johns Stadium. Trinity has won 30 in a row and the past four matchups, but St. Xavier holds the series edge, 36-34-2. Both of these school are great!!! But, with having more ties to Trinity, that's who I root for. And don't even get me started on the tailgating for this game! It's so much fun!!! At the children's school today, it was "Spirit Wear" - they got to wear shirts representing their team. Since my father, brother, nephew, and many other friends and family went to Trinity, we have a lot of attire. But, it's always fun to head to the campus store before a big game. Therefore, that was another stop on our "to-do" list yesterday.

After helping the kids with homework, baths, and getting them to bed, I left to go hang with a good friend who was sitting in the ER. Despite where we were, we made the best of it and had a good time. Then, to top off the night, there was a Jersey Shore marathon on. (LOL!) I love that show. They crack me up at some of the stuff they say and do.

So, before signing off for the weekend, I want to once again say thank you for the continued support!! And please have a fun, safe, and relaxing weekend. God Bless and Much Love!!!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Tuff Love

Whoa! This quarter in school is going to give me a run for my money. Fractions is my enemy, for sure!! I don't know what it is about them, but I just don't get it. Maybe this class will get me on track. I'm staying positive.

Yesterday, we had some storms come through Louisville and the power kept going out. So, between that and homework, I apologize for not writing a post yesterday.

Anyway, I came across a website this morning that I would like to share in regards to crack. I know I've talked about this subject on past posts, but this really puts it into perspective. I only copied a few key points, but you can find more information at

  • The faster cocaine is absorbed into the bloodstream and delivered to the brain, the more intense the high. Injecting or smoking cocaine produces a quicker, stronger high than snorting. On the other hand, faster absorption usually means shorter duration of action: the high from snorting cocaine may last 15 to 30 minutes, but the high from smoking may last only 5 to 10 minutes. In order to sustain the high, a cocaine abuser has to administer the drug again. For this reason, cocaine is sometimes abused in binges—taken repeatedly within a relatively short period of time, at increasingly higher doses.
  • Many cocaine abusers report that they seek but fail to achieve as much pleasure as they did from their first exposure. Some users will increase their dose in an attempt to intensify and prolong the euphoria, but this can also increase the risk of adverse psychological or physiological effects.
  • Different methods of taking cocaine can produce different adverse effects. Regular intranasal use (snorting) of cocaine, for example, can lead to loss of the sense of smell; nosebleeds; problems with swallowing; hoarseness; and a chronically runny nose. Ingesting cocaine can cause severe bowel gangrene as a result of reduced blood flow. Injecting cocaine can bring about severe allergic reactions and increased risk for contracting HIV/AIDS and other blood-borne diseases. Binge-patterned cocaine use may lead to irritability, restlessness, and anxiety. Cocaine abusers can also experience severe paranoia—a temporary state of full-blown paranoid psychosis—in which they lose touch with reality and experience auditory hallucinations.
    Regardless of the route or frequency of use, cocaine abusers can experience acute cardiovascular or cerebrovascular emergencies, such as a heart attack or stroke, which may cause sudden death. Cocaine-related deaths are often a result of cardiac arrest or seizure followed by respiratory arrest.
It's scary to read websites like this, because on this particular one it showed a survey of children ages 12-18. Seriously??? 12 years old?!?!? What is this world coming to?? Better yet, why would anyone want to "try" it out with warnings like what's listed above?!?

With Brent being Bipolar, doesn't he worry about the interactions between his medication and this drug? I guess people that are so far gone don't really consider this, but considering he is the father of my children - I do. I worry about it so much! My children would be devastated if something happens to him.

When Brent had supervised visitation, it was always a mystery if he would show up or not. It got to the point to where I didn't tell the kids it was "visit from Daddy" day, so I wouldn't see their disappointment. The last time he actually showed up was October (2011). The following December is when the judge ruled that the children would be in serious danger around him, therefore his visitation was rescinded. However, he decided to show up at the children's Christmas Program at school. So, that's actually the last time the children saw him. Does that bother him, like it does them? Is his 5 minute high really that more important? For someone who once had everything has almost lost everything. When and where is his "rock bottom"?!?! If you are reading this and are thinking about using or even if you currently use, take this bozo as a prime example. At one point in his life, he was a millionaire. He had it all! Now, he's alone, no job, no home, no family, and the walls are still tumbling down on him. Someone very wise once told me there is help for addiction! And offering tuff love, is better then anything. So, letting the chips fall where they may is maybe just what the doctor ordered.

God Bless and Much Love!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Thank You!!

OK, so after a good night's rest - I feel better. Maybe just a little agitated. But, maybe I just needed a good cry. I was able to get my school work, for one class, accomplished today and overall it was a very productive day. However, having a break down like this is apparently part of the process, I would like to share some of the text, emails, and facebook messages that I received.

From My Dear Friend:
I understand. I am feeling a lot of that too. U r not alone. U r not a loser. By any means of the word. U r a survivor. Anyone would be struggling that went thru what u have gone thru. Think of your healing like sand going thru an hourglass. Some sand has already went thru, and that represents the past couple of years, while there is sand that has yet fallen thru. As time goes on, u will get better and better. It may take 20 months and it make take 20 years but eventually there will be no more sand to fall thru. Another thing that has helped me is try not to look ahead too much. It's way to scary to worry all the time about how we are going to raise these kids alone. Just go day by day. We got them this far and the race isn't over yet. We have to just keep on going. Whether we are happy, sad, or even a little constipated. MADE U LAUGH!

Love her. She's very consistent with every post of either leaving a comment or sending a text. You're a good friend girl!!! And thanks for being you!

From Another Dear Friend:
We love you!! We are hear for you to lean on. You have been thru so much, try to cut yourself some slack. I know it will get better bc I KNOW you are a strong person. You may not feel it now, but YOU ARE STRONG!!

Love her too! This one also sent text and called. Then, when I saw her this afternoon, she gave me another pep talk. I'm blessed to have strong women like this in my life!!!!

From my Cousin/God-Mother:
This is all normal. All you think about is the day you will finally be divorced and free THEN you grieve like a death over what could have been after this happens. This passes with Faith and prayer and helpful therapy sessions. When one feels weakest standing drop to your knees, I promise the Lord is there to listen.

Strong words, and very true!!! No wonder my parents chose you as my God-Mother. ;)

From My Adorable Aunt:

I could tell you a million times that I have the best family and friends in the world, but it wouldn't be enough. As much as I would love to share the rest, I just can't. But, please know I appreciate every single one!!!! When you are going through times like this, you need all the support you can get. And honestly, these people, along with many other's is what keeps me going. That's why I wanted to take this opportunity to share some of these - love each of you so much!!!!! And I can't thank you enough.

God Bless and Much Love!!!