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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Professional Announcement

Busy week - I'm exhausted, my homework is piled high, and my computer is almost dead and I don't feel like running to get the charger. So, bare with me.

I've pondered how I would share this experience, or "announcement" that I've been talking about. But, I figured breaking it down in sequence would be my best route. I was notified that I would be helping out at the plant I used to work at. Keep in mind, this particular plant is where I met Brent - we fell in love, got married, and near the end of my first pregnancy I officially became a stay at home mom.

I left behind people that I adored and missed whole heatedly and was excited for an occasional Facebook connection, but it just wasn't the same as seeing them everyday. So, when I got the word about my return - I had serious mixed emotions. Obviously, the most apparent emotion being excitement and overjoy of seeing all my buddies. Then, my next intuition was what if Brent's friends find out and try to mess with my job? As immature as that sounds, they have tried this. Then, I wondered how will people treat me? Will they associate me as a "crack head"? And the most bazaar thing, how would I feel when I pass by his old office?

These thoughts didn't actually come into play until about 3am, and I was to report to work at 8. My stomach was a mess. It felt like butterflies, scratch that, it felt like freaking cats with very sharp claws going insane! I laid in my bed tossing and turning.

I turned the tv on and thought that would distract me, better yet, put me back to sleep for a few more hours. But, no such luck. I decided to take advantage of the time, so I got up, got myself showered and ready for work. When it was time to get the kiddos up, I got them ready, took them for breakfast, and then dropped them off at school. My mom could sense my hesitation, so we decided to enjoy a hot cup of coffee at a nice restaurant near the house and just chill. That was very cool, but unfortunately it didn't shake the nervous feelings.

After dropping my mom off at home, I made the once-familiar path to the plant. I pulled into the parking lot and luckily my phone rang. I immediately picked up and it was a co-worker, "Are you here? Meet me in the lobby and I will let you in." She probably has no clue, but that was my saving grace. Once I met up with her, things turned into a major rush to get things moving and that was the distraction I needed.

The first person I ran into happened to be my buddy that I used to always confide in. It was like we picked up immediately without missing a beat. He jumped up and gave me a hug and said "I've been keeping up with you on your blog - look!" My attention was diverted towards his computer where he had saved the link in his favorites. That meant so much to me!

As the day moved forward, if I got one hug, I got a million. It was the most amazing feeling ever. And each and every one of those people were the ones who I had and always will adore. It was inevitable that the subject of Brent arose. Here's the funny part about that, the girl I was working with happened to be with me. She was new and literally knew nothing about me. Conversations were basically along the same lines when it came to that topic "congratulations on the divorce, I always thought you could do better", "glad to see you finally got rid of him", "he was the biggest liar, and it was always about stupid shit", and so on and so on. I finally asked one lady, "why didn't I realize that" she simply said "honey, because you were in love".

Finally, the new girl said "Do you mind if I ask, what is wrong with your ex-husband? No one seems to like him?" At that very moment, I learned a life lesson. I've heard it a million times, but it never clicked until that very second. When the people you love the most are telling you something, you need to take their warnings. They are seeing something you aren't and, especially when it's more then one person, they have your best interest at heart. Steer clear!

The positive not only came from that lesson, but it was a real ice breaker and we bonded as co-workers and started to begin a new friendship. As far as his office went, I knew it was either one of two offices, but I really couldn't remember which one it was. And my feelings showed nothing. That door, which ever one it was, was just that. It had no significance on how I felt of what it once was. I was able to walk those halls with my head held high, those who know me - know who I am. And they don't let one major mistake tarnish those thoughts. When it came to his friends, or should I say acquaintances, I simply greeted them with a smile. The key focus is two things, (1) act like a lady and (2) I was simply there to do a job, therefore remaining professional was of my utmost concern.

Although the experience was gut wrenching, it helped put another little piece of the puzzle back together. I might be broken, but all wounds are meant to heal! And I will! And if you are reading this and feeling great pain, it will pass - I'm living proof.

God Bless and Much Love to All!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

A Time to Struggle

As my nose is buried in school work, I take a quick break to glance up at my kids.

Casie moves from coloring a beautiful picture for her friends, to a learning game on the computer, to finding a favorite episode of her favorite show on Netflix. She's quick to come over and tell me exciting things that's happening. I admire her attention to detail. Just this morning, she was telling me about Marissa's 2nd birthday cake? How does she remember these details?

Tommy is holding Marissa's hand, because she heard a noise that frightened her. It's amazing how he can stop playing with his Transformers to help his little sister in time of need. He quickly grabbed a box of dress up clothes (her favorite) and helped her dress up into a beautiful princess. She yells "spend me around", as she lifts her hand high in the air. He looked at me with his big, blue eyes, gave a half cocked grin, and spun her around. Her eyes twinkled and the smile took over her face. Tommy knew he achieved his goal, and back he headed to play with his toys.

Marissa was so preoccupied with what she was going to put on next, she forgot all about being scared. This has to be the happiest child on this Earth, she giggles from the second she wakes up until her eyes tightly close at night.

At that moment I realize, this is my payoff. Parenting is a scary job and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I must be doing something right. These kids are ok - their good people. And despite the turmoil they've been through, they are happy. That's what really matters.

I needed that moment, because over the last week I shed so many tears of the unknown. At conferences, I was told that Tommy isn't progressing as well as children his age. Deep down I knew it. But, I thought I saw so much improvement, I wasn't sure. She had voiced her concern that something medically might be of concern. He's very weak and tired and can't seem to complete his assignments. She had suggested that he gets evaluated and was upfront that the cost is extremely high. Although, she believed that the Pediatrician could make some recommendations and that insurance could cover a good portion of it. Immediately, my heart dropped - Brent still hasn't reinstated their insurance. What am I going to do? Casie was with me, and thank God for that. I walked out of her classroom and the first teardrop fell. She squeezed my hand and said "Why are you crying, Mommy." I smiled at her and quickly pulled myself together. As soon as the door closed to the car, I turned around and said "I need your help!" Of course, she smiled and was eager to hear what I had to offer."We have to help Tommy get back on track. Can you help?" She quickly responded "Oh yeah, I got this." The drive home was quiet. It was obvious we were brainstorming what we could do.

When I arrived home, I had some one on one time with my little man. I didn't know if I should tell him or not, but I chose to so he would know what to expect. I let him know first hand that if there's a problem, we will work together to fix it. If he's not doing his work because he would rather play - then that's a problem. It was hard explaining that sometimes some people learn differently. But, all I can ask of him is that he's try his hardest and be aware that he may not move on to Kindergarten next year. As soon as I said that, huge tears streamed down his face. That happy smile instantly turned upside down, "No Mommy, I want to go to Kindergarten!" It was so hard to keep my composure! Grabbing him into a tight hug is all I knew to do.

Things calmed down and I was able to move about the day hiding my sadness. Luckily, my friend Gretchen is always there to lend an ear and her words of encouragement boosts me to move forward. It's hard, but I feel a little better about the situation. True friends are such a blessing to have! As she always tells me, "us Mom's need to stick together" and at that moment, I knew she was right and so grateful for her support!

I don't know what needs to happen, or what's going to happen next, but I know that I have to be patient and understanding and get to the bottom of it. It's my turn to make him not scared, like he always does for his little sister!

And for that reason, I'm closing my books and taking these kiddos out for a surprise! Let them know how much their mama loves them! And how important family is and always will be!

God Bless and Much Love

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Status Call

I was excited, thought I was feeling better and then bam - exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks! This sucks! So, here I lay with my little boy watching Tom and Jerry, as Marissa prances around in a million different princess dresses. I would die for an ounce of that energy. Casie is still at school and should be home soon. Having children is a true blessing, especially when you are feeling down in the dumps - they always know how to make you smile.

I'm sitting here thinking about Brent's mom. This is weird. She sent the children a Christmas card with $5 each. They called to say thank you and when she was finished, she asked to speak to me. In a way, I felt sorry for her because I know what I went through with a spouse - I can't imagine going through it with a child. The conversation was about 10 minutes long and really all she wanted to know was what was going on. When I hung up, I felt I would do the right thing and send her a Christmas card back along with the children's school pictures. A few weeks went by and I didn't hear anything, until the phone rang at about 9:30/10:00 at night. It was her from her cell phone. Keep in mind, this woman only uses her phone for emergencies. There was a bad connection and the call was disconnected after a few hellos. Immediately, she called back ... this went on about 2 or 3 more times. We never did talk, but the following day I left her a message wondering if she was ok.

Deep down, I wondered if she was calling me to tell me Brent overdosed or something. Whatever it was, she still hasn't called back. The whole thing was weird, but I was proud of myself. I knew that no matter what kind of news she was delivering, was out of my control. If he were to OD, my sadness would be for my children mourning the loss of their "father". It certainly wouldn't be for me losing him - those tears have shed the last tear. But, the whole situation was strange and now I'm thinking its best to completely cut ties with that whole group of people. If you seriously think about it, my children could see any of those people on the street and not know who any of them are. The only thing they would be losing is their cards and phone calls twice a year. I'm willing to live with that. And I think they are too. However, if my children ever ask I will be honest and give them any information they may be seeking.

Anyway, with all that aside - I would like to give a status update as far as the blog goes. I haven't did that in a while, and people are starting to ask. So, here's the latest numbers: 23,614 hits. The countries include United States, Russia, Canada, United Kingdom, Argentina, Netherlands, Germany, Malaysia, Ukraine, France, Australia, Austria, China, South Korea, Italy, and a few others. I hope that this story can help someone out there dealing with the same thing I am. And please know that I appreciate the support!

God Bless and Much Love!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Competency Hearing, Really?!?

When I woke up yesterday, I could feel something wasn't right. At first, I felt it was the effects of a crazy weekend. However, as the day progressed ... I learned it was the beginning of an illness. One of the guys joked and kept calling me "lumpy" because of the huge bulges coming from my neck. We had new people arrive at the office and I was doing everything I could to tuff it out, until my boss approached me and told me to go home.

Both of my parents have cancer, therefore their immune system is low. Not to mention, my poor babies just recovered from their Christmas funk of illnesses. So, I took the best approach that I knew and headed for urgent care. I don't have insurance, but I knew whatever was approaching was coming quickly and powerful and I needed to be proactive.

It seemed like slow motion as the doctor said "You have the flu," he continued talking and all I was catching was bits and pieces of what followed "The antibiotic will help your infected glands", "drink plenty of fluids", and the best of all "It's going to run its course, you will feel like you've been hit by a freight train".

Oh hell no! You gotta be kidding. I don't have time to be sick, besides that what about all of the people I have been around?!? Luckily, it was the early stages and since I had the flu shot - it shouldn't be as bad. As the night went on, it got worse.

My voice, what's left of it, sounds horrible, my throat feels like I'm swallowing razor blades, the congestion is insane, and my body is just exhausted. But, being a single mom - you get no sick days. Therefore, I have to keep pushing. However, I'm incredibly grateful for the help from my mom. Obviously, I can't return to work, but I was able to focus on updating some paperwork, work on my homework for school, balance my checkbook, among other important duties that seem to get pushed to the side during a normal work week. Then for sweets and giggles, I clicked on the following link: http://apps.courts.ky.gov/CourtRecords/, entered Jefferson County, followed by Brent's information - and there it was ..... three pending cases. The first was for the foreclosure on his home. And the other two were the charges for violating the Domestic Violence Order (DVO) for a competency hearing! A competency hearing?!? Or, should I say a strategy to get him out of these charges? I got an idea .... don't break the law and quit being such a scum bag, and life would run a lot smoother! Better yet, LEAVE ME ALONE! Again, this whole thing is comical! He will probably get out of it, I'm sure! He always does! But, I'm not backing down. They need to say "yeah, he's crazy ... now let's lock him up and throw away the key".

Like I've said before, everything I'm stating as facts can be proven in the Commonwealth of Kentucky (Jefferson County) - it's all a matter of public record. So, help yourself!

So, moving along from an obvious "ooops" his parents made, my big announcement was supposed to be announced sometime this week. However, thanks to the flu - I will make it when it actually happens. A big move with mixed emotions! Stay tuned ....

God Bless and Much Love

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Communications From "Them" Again

I'm sitting here thinking, I should be pissed, but instead I'm baffled by true ignorance. Where do I begin? The emails that I received last week supposedly from Brent's girlfriend/escort, honestly I still haven't read. However, what I did see was obvious that was the work of a crack head. And not just any crack head, him. It was later followed up with a bogus email from his "friend" ... I decided to copy and paste those. However, the one's that were sent to my work I blocked immediately. Therefore, I can't paste those. My thoughts are in red.

Sent January 9th
Hello CC, you know who this is. (Yes, Brent ... I know who you are referring to as this so called writer, but I will play along)
Let's start by letting you know Brent has no idea I am doing this. Wow, I did that in middle school. How old are you? Contact all the police you want, it's not third party contact. Already did, and yes Einstein, it is third party contact. He has begged all of us not to contact you. Really???
Just thought while I was down here in Louisville I would give you the opportunity to talk to each other like civil adults do especially when your children are involved. I don't want to talk to him or you ... that's why I deleted your sorry ass from Facebook - just sayin'.
I will not allow (sp?????) you to stir the chaos in his brain as we both know you like to. Glad you have that one figured out ... are you smoking crack with him? Because your judgement is a bit cloudy. Again, just sayin.
Tonight only I have dropped the shields on his phone Damn, what kind of phone has shields these days? Does Apple make that? so you may call and speak like an adult. To him? Um, let me think about that .. no thanks! Do not try to bully him I will not allow you to. Bully? Yeah, that's it. Move calmly and he will also I am quite sure. The only moving I'm doing is on from him! Besides, last time I saw him, he reminded me of that one song "Every day I'm shuff-a-ling!!" Because he moved slower then Christmas. Lol!
You may block your number and call him 502-###-#### There's a reason I haven't called, but don't bother sitting around waiting ... it's not happening.
Don't toy with me little girl. Little girl? If I remember correctly, you are the one 4 feet tall ... I'm 5"9.
This is between two adults BOTH wanting to put their lovely children first. Oh, are you mother of the year? Because I'm not sure I need to take advise from you.
Record it or do what ever. He did not ask me to do this so you will be blind siding him. If you were his true friend, which by the way I know this is Brent's work, then you shouldn't be contacting me.
He is asleep now, like usual with your and your children's' pictures by his side. What a freak!!!
This maybe your last chance to ever speak to him in person. You, not the children. Believe me, honey - I couldn't get that lucky.
You don't want to see what we, his closest friends, are going to let loose if you can't keep this private.If I cared what his "closest friends" thought of me, I might be bothered by that statement. But, since you are here defending a crack head, well, then ... blah, is all that registers. Lol!
This is not a threat. I don't do that kind of thing so don't take it that way. That's alright, no threat taken, I'm a classy girl and don't have time for trash bags as yourself.
You have one night, tonight, to do this. Oh shoot. Did I miss the deadline?
His shields are down so don't take advantage of him, I won't allow it any longer. Go you.
Thanks for your time sweetie !Yeah, thanks for wasting mine ... but it makes for good blog posts, so whatevs!
Hope you do the right thing for once CC!Do you know me?
 
[Today, starts round two in the never ending email game from his good buddy.]
 
Sent January 20, 2013
 
We almost have your final blog entry finished for you little girl. In my Beavis and Butt-head voice "You threatening me?"
You will have it shortly. Waiting .... clocks ticking. When?
From now on, you stop telling lies about him and we won't tell the truth about you.I blog, my life is pretty much an open book.
You are an idiot who believes her own lies.For those of you who thinks I'm lying, this is all a matter of public record. Inbox me and I will give you the case #.
I told you he documented everything yet you still continue.Remember that Ice Cube movie, Friday? "Write it down, take a picture ... I don't give a (explicit language - lol)"
You also owe him half the funds you generated from your blog of slander.Oh my gosh! This is hysterical. Um, no I don't. But, I get how crack heads would want to fight over $5 in order to fill that crack pipe. I guess every little bit helps feed the addiction, huh? Sad! Very sad!
You claimed yourself you would post all comments to your blog. Guess we will see.I've been waiting since you sent this email, and still nothing. I will post it though whenever you do ... that's when I get the most hits. Plus, it's spices it up a bit because you guys are just so stupid!
Good luck and hope you have a magical day. Ahhh, I love that saying. It reminds me of Disney. That's cute!
PS. We all saw your you tube video.  Did you mean "your"? You should really re-read your work if you are trying to be hard core. That was actually a school project. I didn't like it, but glad you spent your time googling my name. Lol! Why would you say that he looked bloated ?  I said bloated because I was getting graded on that assignment. I would have much rather of said "his face looked like someone took an air hose and shoved it up his ass and blew his head up" .. but that wasn't appropriate. You should take a look at yourself.  Personally, I try to avoid mirrors. lolYour face barely fit in the screen I know, right! and true blonds don't have to color their roots do they you liar !I've colored my hair so much, I don't even know what the natural color is anymore. You should know that since you apparently hang on my every move.
 
Alright, so whatever. I called the police - made another report and will do this every chance I get. Maybe some day, he will either quit or they will lock him up and throw away the key. But, as his Big Dummy friend always says "that's good humor".
 
On another note, I had an awesome weekend. My kids had friends over and I got to hang with some of my friends as well. Not to mention, got a lot of family time in and that's always a plus. Back to the grind with school and work, but there's a big announcement coming. So, stay tuned. (big smiles)
 
Much love and God Bless!

Monday, January 14, 2013

End of Year Wrap Up

I finally received the checks from Brent. The only problem is, they were personal checks written on 12/13/2012. So, I'm anxious to see if they actually clear. It's hard to believe considering a crack head is sitting on that kind of money and not touch it.

My attorney and I came to an agreement and parted ways. As soon as those checks clear, I will pay her and move forward. Unfortunately, things aren't that simple ... since Brent won't comply with any orders, I have decided to move forward with another attorney.

The children were very ill - two tested positive for RSV and one with strep. When we went for the follow up visit, it was round two of antibiotics for Tommy and Marrissa due to their ears. The follow up appointment was scheduled for tomorrow, but the Pediatrician's office called and said they cannot see them until the insurance is cleared up. Brent still refuses to reinstate the children and at this point, I feel like I'm at a dead end. This will a good one for the new attorney. In the meantime, if the children get any worse, I will take them back to the hospital. Messed up, huh? Can we get a father of the year award for this piece of shit?!?!

Casie went for her first sleep over and had a blast. Me, on the other hand, woke up every hour expecting a call to come get her. But, she did it. I was happy for her, but it kind of tugged at my heart strings a bit. She's growing up so fast!


I'm still working and loving it. Funny story though, two Friday's ago, as well as last Tuesday I received some bogus emails claiming they were from Brent's girlfriend/escort. At one point, she claimed to be a prominent attorney - yet couldn't spell anything right. It was obvious it was from him. Then, another one followed up as his "friend". And claimed if I told anyone of the emails they would unleash all kinds of shit on me. Um, obviously, I could careless what his and his trash bag groupie's think of me - so let it happen! My friends and I laughed our asses off at these messages. The unfortunate things is, again, he went out of his way to find out my work email address. Simple solution - block the douche bags! In reality, I didn't even read all of them .... from what I did see, it was like a broken record - blah, blah, blah spitting the same shit! When is this clown going to get a freaking life?!?

Things are still tight with the schedule, so I apologize for not posting more often. However, I'm doing my best to keep you up to date. Stay tuned. Btw, thanks for the Facebook likes. Our hits to date are 22,798.

God Bless and Much Love!