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Monday, September 23, 2013

Consumption

Consumption. What does it mean? What does it do? I guess it depends on how you look at it. If you google it, it will give you two definitions: (1) the using up of a resource; (2) a wasting disease. From that perspective, Brent and I are both consumed in our current life situations. Let's take these two definitions and place them into two separate entities.

Given that information, I feel #1 would describe myself. Everyday, my life is consumed of my children's needs and well being. I provide parochial school education for them in hopes they will reap the benefits of a successful future. Every penny that goes into that tuition, I struggle, but despite the fact their father refuses to assist - I will do everything to make sure they are getting the foundation they deserve. Don't get me wrong, I'm not discrediting public schools in any fashion, however this is where my children started off. When the rest of our lives were crumbling down I felt it was important to remain consistent and familiar. That way we had something to build on. Education is one of the top priorities, obviously with their health and happiness being first. I also feel that being active is up there as well. I'm proud of the fact that my children are interested in playing sports and involved in other school functions. This is promoting their character and who they are and will become.

They are my life. I don't date, I barely go out, and when it comes down to it. I'm ok with that. Hanging with my children is awesome - they are fun and they definitely keep me busy. Other distractions at this time are just not in the cards. When someone hurts you as deeply as Brent did, it's hard to trust again.

In my opinion, Brent falls in category #2. He is consumed with wasting his education, career, livelihood, and everything else on a wasting disease called addiction.

When I found out that the children were no longer covered under any type of medical plan, my whole life was consumed with getting that problem resolved immediately. Therefore, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Whenever I blog, Brent somehow is notified. I'm guessing that he is a follower of it and therefore receives notifications via email and/or text. Of course, he blew up! I started receiving harassing emails from him, or should I say his "friends" and it wasn't long before the phone calls started. Normally, I ignore the calls, but I figured this might be the opportunity to resolve the matter at hand. I answered. At first he seemed sincere and genuinely cared. His attitude started to quickly shift, so I told him that although there is a Domestic Violence Order prohibiting any communication, we could discuss plans to render this via email and ONLY through email. That way everything is documented.

I should have known better!!!!

He ranted and raved about how he lives a very private life and doesn't believe in this public light I'm putting in the picture with the blog. I can respect that and even considered stopping once more in hopes that we might actually be able to put the hatred aside and work constructively to benefit our children. Then, he went on saying that he was working with some sort of doctor to be able to integrate back into the children's life. Whoa! What?!? It's obvious he is not clean and sober, because he is still shooting one lie off after another. I believe that both parents are very critical in a child's life. However, when one of those parents is an addict who can't even take care of their own self - it's not in the best interest to bring that into a developing child's life. Then, he started his normal rhetoric and deception. Sometimes I feel this person is a heartless human being. Maybe he's the devil himself. And when I finally had enough, I responded back to his email that said "Dude, you are a complete moron - do not call, text, or email me EVER!" In reality, I was the moron who actually thought I would be able to work with this imbecile. I should have known better.

Before I could block every outlet he had, he sent me the following message (keep in mind I cut and pasted from original message):
It is a simple you get you enjoy a lifetime of grief for two or three years of supposed heroism.
I get to enjoy a lifetime of honest gratitude for a few years of shame.
All your stories and lies. Don't know why or what you had to prove.
Sometimes life forces us in a direction that we ought to have found for ourselves.
Think about it as you are there in the mod area tomorrow.
It doesn't have to be that way. You still have a chance. I know.
Every choice has a price. Unfortunately you can't pay for yours.
Wanna take a ride !!!
Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android
What does that even mean? Is that a threat? Or is this one of his high on crack outburst? I blocked him and his "friends" email addresses. If I have to, I will change my number once more. My life will not be consumed with this type of behavior and I learned my lesson that he only cares about himself. He can continue to call me fat, uneducated, and whatever other hurtful thing he tries. But, his words are empty to me and I really don't care what anyone thinks of me, only my children. And besides that, the one thing he can NEVER say is that I'm a crack head, because that my friend, I will NEVER be!

To answer the question, what does consumption do? It's simple, it can either make you or break you. I chose to consume myself with positive things and let it make me.

God Bless and Much Love!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Court Orders

Here I am. Did you miss me? I was told to quit blogging, and to be honest I've been so busy that I really haven't had time too. But, I feel this is my outlet and that you've traveled this journey with me this far, I'm not going to let you down now.

What is a court order? And why aren't they enforced? When I googled it, it states that a "court order is a direction issued by a court or judge requiring a person to do or not do something". It doesn't stipulate that if you are a mentally unstable, crack head that it doesn't apply to you. So, let's put yourself in my shoes for a minute and see things from my perspective.

Things have been extremely busy with getting the children back into the swing of things and used to a constantly changing schedule. From school, sports, and extra curricular activities our time is booked from the time we get up until we go to bed. And in that time (and in between then), I am handling all of that plus being both of the parents. Although it's hard, it's very rewarding. My children inspire me every day and there is no greater love or stronger bond.

They haven't seen their father since December 2010. I mean, seriously, what a loser. Since my last post, the same things occur - his fictitious emails where he portrays himself as one of his friends/girlfriends, he's located my new cell phone number that I've changed on numerous occasions to avoid him, therefore the "blocked" calls and ridiculous text, and so on and so on. But, the story took an interesting twist. Drugs have officially consumed his whole life. His latest stint consist of bankruptcy where he was given 90 days to evacuate the home. It is now listed on the market for sale.

Ironic, isn't it? Sometimes KARMA has a way of putting her 2 cents in. You see, it's been 3 years when I left in the middle of the night with my kids to escape him and his dangerous ways.  During that three years, he could have cared less that his children didn't have a home to call their own. Don't get me wrong, we are so appreciative that we had a real family to help us through and take us in. I wonder if he will have the same support.

But, the thing that really irks me is the lack of concern and care that he has for the innocent lives he created. According to our divorce decree, he is supposed to carry the children on an insurance plan from his previous employer. He told me that if I went through with the divorce, they would never be covered. I spent so much time fighting this and my children ended up on state insurance. And between the attorneys, they thought this was a suitable situation. Of course, Brent lied through the whole thing acting like it was one big misunderstanding. Yet, it still hasn't been resolved. Eventually, I was asked by the local agency to supply documentation stating the children were no longer covered by the previous insurance carrier. I called the insurance company, they told me that the company Brent used to work for had a rep that I needed to deal with, when I called that rep I was told they cannot release any information without crack daddy's consent. I argued that I was calling about 3 children that I had sole custody over that he has no rights too and that I wasn't wanting health information - I have all of that, I just needed something that stated they were no longer covered. They still refused. I gave the state worker what information I could and was told it was accepted.

Casie ended up getting hurt that required emergency room care and at that point, I was told the children lost coverage effective 8/1/13. Seriously?????? The bills started coming in, so I forwarded them to the attorney.

I'm still left wondering, what is the point of a court order? Especially when it is not enforced. Looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

I will keep you posted. Hope all is well with you and I will start blogging more frequently!!!!!

God Bless and Much Love