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Saturday, August 4, 2012

Scared to Death

Enjoying the day with the family, we are celebrating July birthday's .... a little late, but better then not at all. To bad my brother and his lovely bride couldn't join us. Anyway, things are still quiet before the storm. I have a busy week next week so I'm kicking back and enjoying this down time.

So, we have this little magazine in our area called "Crime Times". Basically, it's where random people that were recently arrested has their mug shot on a spread that everyone can view. It's actually very sad to see, but it's also kind of comical to see some of these pictures. We live in one messed up world for sure!!! With "some one's" growing rap sheet, I just hope that I don't come across "his" picture. I couldn't stand to see it.

Speaking of "him", over the last week, three different people have approached me about not turning my back on him. A complete stranger in Florida was one when she asked me where my husband was, my response was "I don't have one". She was an older lady, so I kind of expected to hear that she didn't believe in divorce. But, what she didn't know was I didn't want a divorce. I married a man who meant the world to me. I lost that guy to drugs. When you come home to find your husband with a crack whore, then you send him off to rehab hundreds of miles away and he finds a different one - eventually, it's time to cut the cord. You have no other choice then divorce. It was hard and it took years to finally accept. But, it is what it is. The other two people had a different approach, they explained their story and how I have to remember that this evil person is not Brent, it's the drugs. I think at this point in my life, I can accept that. I never could before. I mean don't get me wrong, I still don't want anything to do with him but I can finally accept it. But, what I will never understand is how someone can mistreat an innocent child, six of them to be exact. This jerk hasn't paid child support in 4 months and brags to his "so called" friend (aka: big, dumb friend) how I won't see a penny of it until we go to trial. Um hello! You aren't hurting me, it's your children. Then, he agreed to pay tuition ... still not a penny. That's OK, I make it happen because that's what real parents do.

At times, I want to reach out to his brothers and mother and let them know what's really going on because I know they are being fed garbage. But, I won't. They can figure it out just like I did. They've never really been there for me or my children, so its best we cut our losses. But, I will not hold any hard feeling towards them ... because deep down, I guess I kind of liked them. I loved Brent's father and he will always hold a special place in my heart, as well as my children's. But, I really never knew the rest of the crew.

Now to get to the main issue at hand, I'm terrified for my life. He calls when my light turns on in my room from a "blocked" number. He creeps by my house in his Ford Focus at a snail's speed. He knows I see him, but he also knows he will be long gone by the time the police arrive. Sometimes I drive down the street and I have that eerie feeling that someone is watching me. I can't go anywhere by myself. But, now I'm thinking that doesn't even matter. With the trial being next Thursday and approaching quickly, weirder things happen by the minute. I pray to God he doesn't bring harm to me or my children, but I won't put it past him. I can't hide in fear of him or his thugs any longer. I don't understand why he doesn't pick up and go back to where he came from. Or how the courts can continue to pass his violation of the Domestic Order over two more months. In my heart, I don't believe he will ever do anything to the children, but me on the other hand ... I am convinced of it. If he would just leave us alone, we would be fine. But, he likes to think he's above the law or can pay someone to get him out of trouble. I understand that his attorneys are just doing their job, but I have to wonder if they really believe this psycho path?!? If something does happen to me, will they feel bad for not listening?

Please keep my family in your prayers during this trying time.  And although I shouldn't ask, pray for Brent that he gets better.

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