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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Just Checking In ...

I'm still here ... and still alive. It's been almost four months since my last post, but I haven't forgot about you. The trial has yet to happen, but I should be a divorced woman by the end of the month. (Happy dance!)

This whole story has taken more turns then ANYONE could ever imagine. And it has come to my attention that I have a bigger audience fan base then ever. In fact, one would even say that attorney's are being paid BIG BUCKS just to read my thoughts. Kind of flattering I suppose, but in reality there's still a huge problem that I am trying to tackle here. And that is drugs in our community ... strike that, in our world! I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it all disappear, but that's not gonna happen. In the mean time, I'm focusing on me and my babies ... and nothing will drag us back down to where we were. And I'm taking measures to NEVER be dependant on a freakin' man AGAIN!

I don't know where I'll be this time next time next year, but I do know that I will be happy. Even if it is alone. I've grown a lot through this process and it's clearer to look forward. I've got over the embarrassment, and realized that it's not my fault I married a crack head. His addiction and actions are his problem. And my children shouldn't be ashamed of it either - it's not their fault. None of his children, for that matter. For God's sake, they don't even know the man.

Court dates have been shifted and pushed - some dating to October. But, it's OK. Brent still continues to violate the Domestic Violence Order even though he's not supposed to, but it will catch up. As a matter of fact, one was a call I received the other day asking if we could get back together. Yet, the phone call before his was from a friend that saw him and a woman getting reprimanded by local authority a few days earlier. Seriously?!? Then people make the comment that he's still in love with me. No, that's the furthest from the truth. A person like that doesn't love themselves, much less anyone else. And deep down, I will always love him for the simple fact that he's my children's father, but I'm not IN love with him anymore. I'm sure his big, dumb friend that always has his back doesn't have a clue of what is really going on. All I can say is the truth always prevails. And that individual should focus on his own affairs because his poor wife will get his number one day. Instead, him and Brent like to talk stories and refer to me as "the bitch". OK guys, do you have anything better to do then be all up in my business?!? I mean, don't get me wrong, it is kind of giving me a complex here that someone finds me that interesting ... but seriously, one is pushing 70 and the other 50 ... it's time to grow up fellas. Just start a blog, that's what I did .. (laughing) and to be fair, I nicknamed you two as well. Cute, huh?!? Now that's good humor!!!

I don't get it - guess I never will. But, after going through what I did, in the future I will be MUCH choosier of company I keep in my life. Will I ever trust again? Will I ever really "love"? Can I ever truly recover from this? These questions are constantly clouding my head. But, everyday I seem to get a little stronger and that's all that matters.

It's obvious that Brent's legal team is going to try to shut down this blog, but it's gone a lot further then I ever expected. I can't believe that my little voice has made such an impact on so many. To be honest, I have turned down interviews from the local media because I was afraid of how it would affect my children or the divorce case. But, after explaining it to them, my children are my biggest fans and they were the ones that encouraged me to take the next step. Obviously, with the oldest being five, I explained it to them the best way I could in their terms. And thanks to the doctors involved who prepped me on the verbiage. So, keep following .... I have accepted my first interview. It may be something small, but to me it's HUGE ... and I even get a photo shoot! Yay! So excited. It will be in a September issue of a magazine, but I will post it ... or the link (if possible) as soon as I can!!!

Again, don't forget about me ... I will start to blog as soon as I get the green flag. In the meantime, smile and be proud of you! Give yourself credit and try to always hold your head high when times are tuff because eventually you will make it through. God Bless to All!

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