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Friday, August 10, 2012

Brent Won't Bring Me Down

Brent called me last night (and yes, he's still violating the Domestic Violence Disorder). He came through with a different number that I didn't recognize and I answered. His voice was low and shaky and he proceeded to tell me that there's $600,000 hid that no one will ever find. However, if I call off this before the judge makes his ruling that he would give me half of it and the other half would be to buy a house and renew our vows.

At first I was angry and there was so stuff I wanted to get off my chest. I know that I shouldn't waste my time on his lies and bull shit, but I just couldn't help myself. This is how the convo went:

Me: "Yeah right. Why don't you come at me with questions about your children first? Like, what was I talking about at the trial when I referred to learning difficulties with Tommy?"

Brent: "I read the blog, I know he's color blind."

Me: "No, he's actually not."

Brent: "Well, then what's wrong?"

Me: "When you decide to be a parent before a crack head, I would love to share this information with you."

(He continued with more of his bull shit .... and I interrupted with ...)

"Seriously Brent! If this is true, prove it. Put the money in my account and we will go from there. I don't believe you and can't believe that you testified today that you used money for drugs and refused to with drawl anything for child support because you didn't want to get hit with a tax penalty. It's four months that you are now behind in child support and that's not even including the money that you agreed to pay me for the children's tuition - don't you know it's the children that are getting hurt?!? Or do you care?"

I started to get more angry and just disconnected the phone call. My ringer on my cell phone had to be turned off because 12 more calls came through as a "blocked" caller and I didn't want to interrupt my day with any more nonsense.

After such a long day, I was completely exhausted. It was nice to hit the pillow and finally sleep in peace. I think it was the first night in years that I didn't wake up with nightmares of past events or other things pertaining to this "relationship". I guess my Psychologist and Psychiatrist would be pleased to hear that.

However, this morning I didn't really feel "refreshed" after waking up. I called my Endocrinologist to see if my blood work was in about my THC levels - that basically means to see if my Thyroid levels were out of whack. And guess what? They are! The doctor wants to see me immediately to adjust the dose of my medication. That kind of freaks me out since once the judge signs the decree - I automatically lose my insurance.

My paternal grandmother always used the theory of "don't worry about the past - there's nothing you can do to change it; don't worry about the future - it's not here yet; take today and live it to the fullest." After being reminded of that several times over the course of the week, I took her advise and continued about my day. Since I started college in June, I spent most of the day working on school work, playing with the children, making sure everything was in order for them to start school next week, and just being thankful for everything I have in my life. If my parents weren't as cool as they are - no telling where I would be right now. But most importantly, for my children and knowing that they are going to be safe with me.

Creepy creeper ton called more today, but I left my ringer off so that I wouldn't be interrupted with what lies he wanted to feed me. The only problem is I walked out of the room and left my phone on the kitchen table. Marrissa saw it light up and answered it. I heard her keep yelling "Hello .... Hello ...Hello" I walked around the corner because I thought she was being silly and discovered what was really going on. I ran over to her and she handed me the phone and told me it was my brother. I hurried up and hung up because my brother has never called me from a blocked number and I didn't want to alarm her, so I looked at her, smiled, and said "He couldn't talk - I will call him back later." Immediately, I wrapped her up in a big hug and held her tight. Her laugh was what I needed. That poor little child didn't know it was her father on the phone. It broke my heart, but at the same time I was relieved.

Sometimes life throws you curve balls .... no scratch that, real shit balls.Take it from me, I was really depressed and couldn't understand life. But, eventually it will pass and you will get through it. Hang in there and keep your head up. It will get better!



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