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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sometimes You Just HAVE to Live and Learn

Today I couldn't help but remember a weekend trip Brent and I took the children on before our marriage hit the rocks. They loved going to waterparks, so we went all out. The children had their own area with a bunk bed and day bed that was decorated in a wild, tent-like atmosphere and then we had our area. The second we checked into the room, everyone dashed to get their swimsuits on and Brent told the children to play for a bit that he needed to speak with me privately. Our room was on the first floor and our patio overlooked a very popular amusement park. I figured Brent knew our relationship was near the end and that he would finally approach it and see what we could do. But, as usual ... he threw one right out of left field on me.

"I have a brain tumor. The doctors have conducted several tests and it's blocking one of the main blood streams. There's option, but I've chose not to do anything. I even went to the extent of going to Memphis, Tennessee for a second opinion." (Then, there was a long pause, we are talking like a few minutes went by - I guess I was in shock, I didn't know what to think.) Finally, he continued, "I've been given 6 months to a year to live." I started crying and asked "What do we tell the kids? Don't I have a say so in it?"

We enjoyed our weekend away despite the obvious, but things never added up and once again I felt myself not believing this story. Of course, the whole thing ended up being fabricated, but I didn't know for sure until about a year later. Then, there was another time he told me that he had prostate cancer. I don't know why he did these things or told me, but I'm human and yes it bothered me of the thought these horrible things could actually happen.

He called my parents around September and asked if they would take him to the airport. They agreed under the understanding that he was going to Minnesota to some drug rehab / mental facility. When I found out, I was outraged. I called Brent myself and went off on him. My parents have enough on their plate to worry about taking his sorry ass to the airport at 4am. Unfortunatly, my attempt was a failure. My parents felt they were doing the right thing and went ahead with it. It turns out, he lied ..... AGAIN. He flew to Colorado to be with his buddies. Personally, I don't really know them. However, it's a couple that came to town for our wedding and the husband was actually a groomsmen. They were very nice to me, but that was the only time I ever really had any interaction with them. I tried being friends with them on Facebook, but it was kind of weird. After a few days, I received a call from Dustin, the husband, and decided to hit the "oh so familiar FU button" aka, I ignored the call. He left a voice mail and it said "CC, Brent's out here and he needs some medical attention right away. I'm willing to help out in any way I can, so please call me back to discuss."

I washed my hands with Brent and knew it was in my best interest to not get involved. So, I did what I thought was right and called my sister-in-law in Michigan and explained what happened. She basically told me that they already bought Brent a plane ticket home and he would arrive that night. And then asked about the brain tumor. She told me that he was driving the people out in Colorado nuts and they wanted him out there.

It might have been insensitive on my part, but my response was "Oh, what a load of horse shit! If he really had a brain tumor, then his time expired last April and his ass is still kickin." She's actually a pretty cool person and I feel comfortable talking to her. She's showed an interest in knowing my children and wants me to know her's as well.

Sometimes my brain starts to spin crazy and all of this horrible stuff is relived in my mind. It hurts to know how much I loved this person and know that I would have did anything in the world for him. And he obviously didn't feel the same. I'm ok with it, thanks to Zoloft. (laughing)

My days have been very busy lately and I haven't been able to write as much. This is such good therapy for me to vent. And yes, I'm sure one of these days Brent is going to find out about it and try to do something about it. I guess when that time approaches, I will just have to deal with it then.

Times like this you really find out who really loves you. My family is so supportive of me, not to mention a real blast to be around. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and friends have opened up about experiences I never knew they went through. My friends, oh they are awesome too! So many of them can send me a silly text, or a picture, anything to make me smile or even just to let me know they are there. One of them even is surprising me with a massage tomorrow that I absolutly can't wait for (thank you SD). And another one went on a job search for me, in which I might add I interviewed for today (thanks SK). Every little effort, word, smile, call, text, whatever means so much to me and has really pulled me through the "slump". And just so everyone knows, I'm not a complete "male basher". Some of my really good friends are guys and some of my friend's husbands I have really learned to love and cherish! I kind of go by the philosophy of "you make them happy, you make me happy"! I learned that when some one you love is in trouble or hurt, never turn your back on them because that might push them a little more over the edge. As long as it doesn't concern you personally, don't get them involved - let them work it out, but yet be there if and when they need you!

My children's school is hosting their first "Father Daughter Dance". I literally just explained to Casie that her Daddy would not be the one to take her, but that her "Poppy" (that's what my kids call my Dad) wants to take her. I told her he was buying her a pretty flower and it would be just the two of them. Although, she was hurt that her Dad couldn't take her - a smile lit up her face to know that Poppy would and she ran off to the laundry room where he was and gave him a big hug!

Now that I'm finished my reiminising and preeching for the day, I'm signing off and headed out to dinner with my beautiful little family. God Bless to all!

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