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Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Other Woman

Being pregnant with our third child was crazy! This should have been a time for us to really put our focus on track and celebrate. I started to recognize there was a problem with drugs, but really wasn’t sure what drug or even how much. Brent was a professional liar and he would convince me otherwise. It was hard to talk with just anyone about it because of the embarrassment, as well as here I was pregnant and they would think “Wow! She’s bringing another innocent child into this world and is doubting this guys drug use or not!” A lot of people I’ve known for years started to drop out of my life one by one. And for the ones that remained, I felt like I was always defending Brent or talking him up so that people would like him.
Life was really hard. I still didn’t work and during the whole short term to long term disability went through – there was a period where we had no money coming in. I had to end up cashing in my 401(k) for us to even survive. Since he wasn’t an active employee, he lost the perk of keeping the lease vehicles so we had to purchase our own. My parents were very helpful during this time and even gave me their Explorer, so that we would at least have a second car.
The behavior started to really take a strange twist. I came home one night and pulled up to the mailbox to find $100 cash and a prepaid phone. When Brent claimed he didn’t know anything about it, I called the police and was told that they couldn’t do anything because they didn’t see anything illegal take place and for me to keep the money and go buy myself something nice. Brent didn’t act like he was scared or nervous and after the police left, he asked me for the money so he could go get us McDonald’s.
Brent and I tried marriage counseling, but it was unsuccessful due to the fact that he wouldn’t be honest or forthcoming. He did admit, however, that he was sniffing cocaine and that’s why he failed the test, but assured us it was a one time stupid mistake that would never happen again. And that the money I found in the mailbox was his for the cocaine! It was about that time I found a number in his phone.
One morning, I went to pick my Mom up to go shopping and while I was sitting in the driveway waiting for her to come out, curiosity got the best of me and I called that number. On the other end a woman answered. I guess I was shocked, yet deep down I kind of expected it. I hung up immediately because I really didn’t know what to say. But, before I could even think about it – I pressed send again. When she answered this time, the conversation went something like this …
Me: Who is this?
Her: Um …. Who is this?
Me: Well, I found your number in my husband’s phone and wanted to see what the connection was, so how do you know Brent?
Her: That’s something you have to take up with him. Bye! [she quickly hung up]
At that point, my mom got out to the car. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her because everyone else hated him and I didn’t want the only one that was left to give up. But, of course, she knew me too well and started to sense something was up. So, instead of getting into the whole story I just told her that I found a woman’s number in Brent’s phone and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Since he was still on short-term medical leave from his job, he was always home. When I arrived there that afternoon, I told him what happened and asked who she was. He made up some story about how it was his friend’s girlfriend and they were having problems, so she kept calling to try to reach him. Far-fetched, but once again I kind of bought it but was still not 100%, so I called this girl again.
Me: Ok, I called you earlier and Brent is telling me that you are basically some girl that’s dating his friend and keep calling.
Her: Yeah, whatever!
I started walking out to the garage where Brent was smoking a cigarette and put the girl on speaker.
Me: Brent, who is this girl!?!
Obviously, he didn’t realize she was on the phone and said, “I told you she’s just some whore that won’t leave me alone.” I walked back inside and continued the phone conversation.
Me: So, did you hear that? I mean you do realize that this dude has 5 kids, one in which he’s never seen or doesn’t have his last name, and I’m actually pregnant with his 6th.
Her: I know all about his kids! But, I didn’t know you were pregnant!
Me: How do YOU know ALL about his kids? HE doesn’t even know his f---ing kids!
Her: I know a lot more then you think. I’ve been to your house a bunch of times …. Do you want me to piss on your front porch, so you can drug test it!”
She had to be telling the truth because during my questioning, there was times I would go buy those home drug testing kits and even sent him several times to our family doctor, in which he seemed to pass every time! Anyway, the conversation went straight to hell from that point. When we hung up, I was like “Brent, get the hell out of the house!” I called my friend Mandy who I just started getting really close to. She worked at the local gas and electric company and came over as soon as her shift was over. Brent was gone and she was blown away that a man could do this to his children and his pregnant wife. She watched the kids and told me to get in the shower and try to calm down. But, how does someone calm down after that?!? So, we got in the car to take a ride. I drove straight to a hotel that was near the plant that we worked at because I had a feeling to check there. Brent’s car was in the lot. I had the spare keys and started going through his car. I remember not finding much pertaining to the latest drama and finally decided I had to chill out! I was so exhausted at that point and put the kids in bed with me, Mandy went home, and I finally started to doze off after dropping a million tears on my pillow. Throughout the middle of the night, Brent came home and basically said he wasn’t going anywhere. He slept upstairs and I slept behind closed doors. The next morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office and she stated that since Brent had signed a medical release for me, she felt obligated to tell me that he failed his drug test for cocaine usage. She continued to tell me that she would have to drop him as a patient because he tested negative for opiates that she prescribed him and felt that those were being traded for cocaine.
It was time to do something, I contacted a lawyer and the following motions were filed:
·         Dissolution of Marriage – “irretrievably broken and there is no reasonable prospect of reconciliation”
·         Sole custody of the children
·         Child Support
·         Attorney fees
·         Temporary Maintenance
It was obvious that Brent wasn’t going to leave until a court forced him too, so to avoid all the drama and animosity that was about to take place, I took the children to go spend some time at my parents house. They were leaving for Florida within the next few days and thought it would be a good idea for me and the children to join them, in which we agreed!
The day before we were leaving Brent came to my parents’ house and took my 2007 GMC Acadia and left his 2005 Explorer in the driveway with no keys. It was a nice SUV, but had high mileage and since he smoked in it – it really wasn’t the ideal vehicle to take the children to Florida in. Not to mention, my mom’s cane, garage door opener, and handicap permit were in there. My mom was concerned for the safety of her unborn grandchild and was like “Don’t freak out. Contact your attorney and let him know what happened and in the mean time let’s go to the rental car company get a vehicle and get the hell out of here!” And so we did!
It was nice; we went to Daytona Beach and spent a few days there. The party consisted of my parents, my sister, Elizabeth, her daughter (Gretta) and my crew. The beach was a good distraction and the children were having a blast! Elizabeth and I were still not talking, but managed to hide it from the children and not make it miserable for my parents.
Our next stop on the agenda was Disney World. That was when Casie started to miss her Daddy and wanted to call him. When she talked to him, she told him where we were and what we’ve been up to. After the finished up, she turned to me and said “Daddy wants to talk to you!” Hesitantly, I got on the phone. He was sobbing like a baby and begging for my forgiveness. A divorce was the last thing he wanted and would do anything for his family. He pleaded and begged for my forgiveness and to prove it to me – he bought a plan ticket and arrived. He had looked into an outpatient rehab facility and swore he would never talk to another woman if I would just give him this one chance. I took a lot of things in consideration; the rehab was a must along with some other demands. Honestly, I knew with his father’s estate soon entering the picture that it might be worth it for my children’s sake to once again try!
He showed up at Disney World and was so sweet and attentive to not only the children, but to me. It was nice to actually see a glimpse of the man I married and loved. I was convinced he was back and so excited to put this whole thing to rest and get on with our lives.

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