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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Professional Announcement

Busy week - I'm exhausted, my homework is piled high, and my computer is almost dead and I don't feel like running to get the charger. So, bare with me.

I've pondered how I would share this experience, or "announcement" that I've been talking about. But, I figured breaking it down in sequence would be my best route. I was notified that I would be helping out at the plant I used to work at. Keep in mind, this particular plant is where I met Brent - we fell in love, got married, and near the end of my first pregnancy I officially became a stay at home mom.

I left behind people that I adored and missed whole heatedly and was excited for an occasional Facebook connection, but it just wasn't the same as seeing them everyday. So, when I got the word about my return - I had serious mixed emotions. Obviously, the most apparent emotion being excitement and overjoy of seeing all my buddies. Then, my next intuition was what if Brent's friends find out and try to mess with my job? As immature as that sounds, they have tried this. Then, I wondered how will people treat me? Will they associate me as a "crack head"? And the most bazaar thing, how would I feel when I pass by his old office?

These thoughts didn't actually come into play until about 3am, and I was to report to work at 8. My stomach was a mess. It felt like butterflies, scratch that, it felt like freaking cats with very sharp claws going insane! I laid in my bed tossing and turning.

I turned the tv on and thought that would distract me, better yet, put me back to sleep for a few more hours. But, no such luck. I decided to take advantage of the time, so I got up, got myself showered and ready for work. When it was time to get the kiddos up, I got them ready, took them for breakfast, and then dropped them off at school. My mom could sense my hesitation, so we decided to enjoy a hot cup of coffee at a nice restaurant near the house and just chill. That was very cool, but unfortunately it didn't shake the nervous feelings.

After dropping my mom off at home, I made the once-familiar path to the plant. I pulled into the parking lot and luckily my phone rang. I immediately picked up and it was a co-worker, "Are you here? Meet me in the lobby and I will let you in." She probably has no clue, but that was my saving grace. Once I met up with her, things turned into a major rush to get things moving and that was the distraction I needed.

The first person I ran into happened to be my buddy that I used to always confide in. It was like we picked up immediately without missing a beat. He jumped up and gave me a hug and said "I've been keeping up with you on your blog - look!" My attention was diverted towards his computer where he had saved the link in his favorites. That meant so much to me!

As the day moved forward, if I got one hug, I got a million. It was the most amazing feeling ever. And each and every one of those people were the ones who I had and always will adore. It was inevitable that the subject of Brent arose. Here's the funny part about that, the girl I was working with happened to be with me. She was new and literally knew nothing about me. Conversations were basically along the same lines when it came to that topic "congratulations on the divorce, I always thought you could do better", "glad to see you finally got rid of him", "he was the biggest liar, and it was always about stupid shit", and so on and so on. I finally asked one lady, "why didn't I realize that" she simply said "honey, because you were in love".

Finally, the new girl said "Do you mind if I ask, what is wrong with your ex-husband? No one seems to like him?" At that very moment, I learned a life lesson. I've heard it a million times, but it never clicked until that very second. When the people you love the most are telling you something, you need to take their warnings. They are seeing something you aren't and, especially when it's more then one person, they have your best interest at heart. Steer clear!

The positive not only came from that lesson, but it was a real ice breaker and we bonded as co-workers and started to begin a new friendship. As far as his office went, I knew it was either one of two offices, but I really couldn't remember which one it was. And my feelings showed nothing. That door, which ever one it was, was just that. It had no significance on how I felt of what it once was. I was able to walk those halls with my head held high, those who know me - know who I am. And they don't let one major mistake tarnish those thoughts. When it came to his friends, or should I say acquaintances, I simply greeted them with a smile. The key focus is two things, (1) act like a lady and (2) I was simply there to do a job, therefore remaining professional was of my utmost concern.

Although the experience was gut wrenching, it helped put another little piece of the puzzle back together. I might be broken, but all wounds are meant to heal! And I will! And if you are reading this and feeling great pain, it will pass - I'm living proof.

God Bless and Much Love to All!

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