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Saturday, January 26, 2013

A Time to Struggle

As my nose is buried in school work, I take a quick break to glance up at my kids.

Casie moves from coloring a beautiful picture for her friends, to a learning game on the computer, to finding a favorite episode of her favorite show on Netflix. She's quick to come over and tell me exciting things that's happening. I admire her attention to detail. Just this morning, she was telling me about Marissa's 2nd birthday cake? How does she remember these details?

Tommy is holding Marissa's hand, because she heard a noise that frightened her. It's amazing how he can stop playing with his Transformers to help his little sister in time of need. He quickly grabbed a box of dress up clothes (her favorite) and helped her dress up into a beautiful princess. She yells "spend me around", as she lifts her hand high in the air. He looked at me with his big, blue eyes, gave a half cocked grin, and spun her around. Her eyes twinkled and the smile took over her face. Tommy knew he achieved his goal, and back he headed to play with his toys.

Marissa was so preoccupied with what she was going to put on next, she forgot all about being scared. This has to be the happiest child on this Earth, she giggles from the second she wakes up until her eyes tightly close at night.

At that moment I realize, this is my payoff. Parenting is a scary job and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I must be doing something right. These kids are ok - their good people. And despite the turmoil they've been through, they are happy. That's what really matters.

I needed that moment, because over the last week I shed so many tears of the unknown. At conferences, I was told that Tommy isn't progressing as well as children his age. Deep down I knew it. But, I thought I saw so much improvement, I wasn't sure. She had voiced her concern that something medically might be of concern. He's very weak and tired and can't seem to complete his assignments. She had suggested that he gets evaluated and was upfront that the cost is extremely high. Although, she believed that the Pediatrician could make some recommendations and that insurance could cover a good portion of it. Immediately, my heart dropped - Brent still hasn't reinstated their insurance. What am I going to do? Casie was with me, and thank God for that. I walked out of her classroom and the first teardrop fell. She squeezed my hand and said "Why are you crying, Mommy." I smiled at her and quickly pulled myself together. As soon as the door closed to the car, I turned around and said "I need your help!" Of course, she smiled and was eager to hear what I had to offer."We have to help Tommy get back on track. Can you help?" She quickly responded "Oh yeah, I got this." The drive home was quiet. It was obvious we were brainstorming what we could do.

When I arrived home, I had some one on one time with my little man. I didn't know if I should tell him or not, but I chose to so he would know what to expect. I let him know first hand that if there's a problem, we will work together to fix it. If he's not doing his work because he would rather play - then that's a problem. It was hard explaining that sometimes some people learn differently. But, all I can ask of him is that he's try his hardest and be aware that he may not move on to Kindergarten next year. As soon as I said that, huge tears streamed down his face. That happy smile instantly turned upside down, "No Mommy, I want to go to Kindergarten!" It was so hard to keep my composure! Grabbing him into a tight hug is all I knew to do.

Things calmed down and I was able to move about the day hiding my sadness. Luckily, my friend Gretchen is always there to lend an ear and her words of encouragement boosts me to move forward. It's hard, but I feel a little better about the situation. True friends are such a blessing to have! As she always tells me, "us Mom's need to stick together" and at that moment, I knew she was right and so grateful for her support!

I don't know what needs to happen, or what's going to happen next, but I know that I have to be patient and understanding and get to the bottom of it. It's my turn to make him not scared, like he always does for his little sister!

And for that reason, I'm closing my books and taking these kiddos out for a surprise! Let them know how much their mama loves them! And how important family is and always will be!

God Bless and Much Love

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