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Monday, September 23, 2013

Consumption

Consumption. What does it mean? What does it do? I guess it depends on how you look at it. If you google it, it will give you two definitions: (1) the using up of a resource; (2) a wasting disease. From that perspective, Brent and I are both consumed in our current life situations. Let's take these two definitions and place them into two separate entities.

Given that information, I feel #1 would describe myself. Everyday, my life is consumed of my children's needs and well being. I provide parochial school education for them in hopes they will reap the benefits of a successful future. Every penny that goes into that tuition, I struggle, but despite the fact their father refuses to assist - I will do everything to make sure they are getting the foundation they deserve. Don't get me wrong, I'm not discrediting public schools in any fashion, however this is where my children started off. When the rest of our lives were crumbling down I felt it was important to remain consistent and familiar. That way we had something to build on. Education is one of the top priorities, obviously with their health and happiness being first. I also feel that being active is up there as well. I'm proud of the fact that my children are interested in playing sports and involved in other school functions. This is promoting their character and who they are and will become.

They are my life. I don't date, I barely go out, and when it comes down to it. I'm ok with that. Hanging with my children is awesome - they are fun and they definitely keep me busy. Other distractions at this time are just not in the cards. When someone hurts you as deeply as Brent did, it's hard to trust again.

In my opinion, Brent falls in category #2. He is consumed with wasting his education, career, livelihood, and everything else on a wasting disease called addiction.

When I found out that the children were no longer covered under any type of medical plan, my whole life was consumed with getting that problem resolved immediately. Therefore, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Whenever I blog, Brent somehow is notified. I'm guessing that he is a follower of it and therefore receives notifications via email and/or text. Of course, he blew up! I started receiving harassing emails from him, or should I say his "friends" and it wasn't long before the phone calls started. Normally, I ignore the calls, but I figured this might be the opportunity to resolve the matter at hand. I answered. At first he seemed sincere and genuinely cared. His attitude started to quickly shift, so I told him that although there is a Domestic Violence Order prohibiting any communication, we could discuss plans to render this via email and ONLY through email. That way everything is documented.

I should have known better!!!!

He ranted and raved about how he lives a very private life and doesn't believe in this public light I'm putting in the picture with the blog. I can respect that and even considered stopping once more in hopes that we might actually be able to put the hatred aside and work constructively to benefit our children. Then, he went on saying that he was working with some sort of doctor to be able to integrate back into the children's life. Whoa! What?!? It's obvious he is not clean and sober, because he is still shooting one lie off after another. I believe that both parents are very critical in a child's life. However, when one of those parents is an addict who can't even take care of their own self - it's not in the best interest to bring that into a developing child's life. Then, he started his normal rhetoric and deception. Sometimes I feel this person is a heartless human being. Maybe he's the devil himself. And when I finally had enough, I responded back to his email that said "Dude, you are a complete moron - do not call, text, or email me EVER!" In reality, I was the moron who actually thought I would be able to work with this imbecile. I should have known better.

Before I could block every outlet he had, he sent me the following message (keep in mind I cut and pasted from original message):
It is a simple you get you enjoy a lifetime of grief for two or three years of supposed heroism.
I get to enjoy a lifetime of honest gratitude for a few years of shame.
All your stories and lies. Don't know why or what you had to prove.
Sometimes life forces us in a direction that we ought to have found for ourselves.
Think about it as you are there in the mod area tomorrow.
It doesn't have to be that way. You still have a chance. I know.
Every choice has a price. Unfortunately you can't pay for yours.
Wanna take a ride !!!
Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android
What does that even mean? Is that a threat? Or is this one of his high on crack outburst? I blocked him and his "friends" email addresses. If I have to, I will change my number once more. My life will not be consumed with this type of behavior and I learned my lesson that he only cares about himself. He can continue to call me fat, uneducated, and whatever other hurtful thing he tries. But, his words are empty to me and I really don't care what anyone thinks of me, only my children. And besides that, the one thing he can NEVER say is that I'm a crack head, because that my friend, I will NEVER be!

To answer the question, what does consumption do? It's simple, it can either make you or break you. I chose to consume myself with positive things and let it make me.

God Bless and Much Love!

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